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H is still manic.. It will be 8 weeks Friday...We have gotten in pys office and finally got evaluation and meds..He is on 5th an 6th... ANd these are not working so great either ..He is on anti anxiety, these helped so much the first 5 days, now really no effect, and the AD's are making him way more anxious...I called and also left an email...No response from the dr....The aggravation is thru the roof..He most surely has lost his job...I just called H..He forgot to take anxiety med, has been manic at work all day..Just sitting....

As for me, I have lost hope.I have lost all hope.I am so angry..I have gone thru many stages very fast..I screamed at him...I hug him...I help him..I take him to every appt... IT was strange how angry this has made me..I have told him every single thing I feel.. Funny thing is,,, it has made me feel better.. A lot better..I had been holding a lot inside since the A or EA....I don't feel guilty.. He doesn't remember a lot But I feel better for saying it...I have made an appointment for IC on Monday for me...I am now completely numb...H has no control over his thoughts. He cannot function.. ANd no meds are working.. I almost cancelled my IC with a new therapist. I cant think of anything to say...Then I realized that's why I should go..I have completely shut down...I am so angry that he continues to destroy us as a family and a couple.. I am very very angry..When is his shit going to stop?I am very embarrassed and disappointed..He mentions coworkers remarks. They are not being very nice .H is having his first Ic right now...His meds may make a difference by this weekend... we will see.. I have been verbally abusive...I cant take anymore...H just argues with everything..ANd quits meds, and falls apart everyday..He repeatedly tells me how sick he is... Its been at least 600 times..no joke.I am out of options... H looks so weak to me.. so un-man. WHere is the man I married 30 yrs ago.

Also, in his recent panicks, he mentioned the information on his computer that the new owners will see.... HE keeps mentioning this..Someone was fired for illegal activity, and he was glad, he thought it was information found on his computer....I realized he didn't turn in his old IPhone...It wasn't like him...Now the triggers are started...What the hell in on his computer? What was on his phone that he keeps it at hone? It has passwords... Now, Im getting upsest.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 5:04 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)]

I'm so sorry to hear that this is still escalating for you. Seems like you've been doing all of the right things, but nothing is working yet.

He turned down group therapy before. Can you ask him again. Can you get your family doctor actively involved (explain exactly just how crazy this is making you)...this is affecting you as much as it's affecting him.

And, at work...can he get a leave of absence...a long term one. He has a lot of work to do.

I just wanted to let you know that somebody is listening. I send you a hug. I feel your frustration.

I'm so sorry that this is dragging out so long for you. I'm praying that the doctors can find something that will help! (((hugs)))

Thanks for your support. I'm really getting depressed. I swore this would not happen again. H work dismissed him. Even called me to make sure he arrived. His boss is sn old friend. Insisted I take him for trip. I had tried that once before but becsuse of fighting I had to turn back. He insisted a second try. We did succeed but its been hell. H hss been ruminating for 5 days. We leave tomorrow. H got one call from work and immediately fell apart. We are now accepting his fate and considering what to sell. I want to admit him to hospital on return. The meds aren't working. Dr is ordering number 7 and 8. I hate my life.

You must feel incredibly overwhelmed. I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to.let you know you've been heard. I hope the Dr can get him stable soon, for your sake and his.

((CCC))