SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think I'm finally getting all the advice that everyone has been giving me. It's been a slow journey.

I have to respond to STBXWH's arbitrary deadline of emailing him back about dealing with the D. He wants to start listing stuff out and figuring up a division of assets. I'm still sitting on a couple of things that he doesn't know about, and want to keep it that way. If you followed me, you know that he has locked up my fun, mid-life crisis car, that has pissed me off severely. This isn't a hill to die on. He has also hijacked my grandma's china, silver, and plate collection, along with some inherited crystal dishes and misc stuff that is ultimately destined for sale somewhere after the D is final (I've realized that I don't have to keep the detritus of other people's lives). These are just things. They're not hills to die on, but they make good distractions. Here's to my question, I need to write this email and I was thinking of the following:

Dear STBXWH,

I am replying in response to our verbal communication of sorting out assets. This is to inform you that I will not be entering into further negotiations until my [fun car] is released to me, as well as Grandma's plates, china, silver, and antiques. Further inquires should be sent to my attorney, XYZ.

Should you wish this D to go faster, and more expediently, then the above conditions must be met in order for me to proceed. Further, I will not be entering into verbal communication concerning these items any longer. Any communication will be via email, or I will consider it as not having happened.

Sincerely,

Leia

Sound good? Am I giving ego kibbles? I know there is a mantrum on the horizon for this. However, I think I'm finally getting the NC and 180. It has taken me long enough....

Don't respond to him. If you have a lawyer, all communication should accomplished through your attorney. You're paying for the help and the negotiation skills that attorneys possess. Don't bother with him on your own.

You are not getting it; listen to stbm. In order to play hardball with him, you need to have an attorney involved. You will make a lot of rookie mistakes otherwise. Don't send anything to him. It will become a permanent record.

If you have an attorney then all conversations must go through him/her. That's the way this game of hardball is played. My attorney expressly forbade me from making any agreements or negotiations with my ex while the divorce was underway.

That's not easy, Leia. Our attorney's told us to work out what we could with the household division. They told us we would have to go to "arbitration" if we didn't.

One thing I learned to do is mention to my lawyer any correspondence with him and this helps my conscience and also he'll take it more seriously.

I get what you wrote and think it's good. I've had to do some similar things to get him to take me seriously.

He, too, and she, took some of my stuff and I know I will never see it again or someday will replace. It's small stuff I accumulated but would have liked-cd's or books and stuff. If I came down hard or included lawyers in discussions I have worked it out better.

FWIW, I've had to tell X that I won't sign any papers until he does x, y, z and it lit a fire under him better then just anything else.

Hope you'll get your car back. One of my big things that I just figured out how to save is my baby grand piano that's coming very soon.