Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: RisingAbovePain (61843)

User Topic: I'm slow...but I think I'm finally "getting it"
♀ 42510
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I'm finally getting all the advice that everyone has been giving me. It's been a slow journey.

I have to respond to STBXWH's arbitrary deadline of emailing him back about dealing with the D. He wants to start listing stuff out and figuring up a division of assets. I'm still sitting on a couple of things that he doesn't know about, and want to keep it that way. If you followed me, you know that he has locked up my fun, mid-life crisis car, that has pissed me off severely. This isn't a hill to die on. He has also hijacked my grandma's china, silver, and plate collection, along with some inherited crystal dishes and misc stuff that is ultimately destined for sale somewhere after the D is final (I've realized that I don't have to keep the detritus of other people's lives). These are just things. They're not hills to die on, but they make good distractions. Here's to my question, I need to write this email and I was thinking of the following:

I am replying in response to our verbal communication of sorting out assets. This is to inform you that I will not be entering into further negotiations until my [fun car] is released to me, as well as Grandma's plates, china, silver, and antiques. Further inquires should be sent to my attorney, XYZ.

Should you wish this D to go faster, and more expediently, then the above conditions must be met in order for me to proceed. Further, I will not be entering into verbal communication concerning these items any longer. Any communication will be via email, or I will consider it as not having happened.


Sound good? Am I giving ego kibbles? I know there is a mantrum on the horizon for this. However, I think I'm finally getting the NC and 180. It has taken me long enough....

"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't respond to him. If you have a lawyer, all communication should accomplished through your attorney. You're paying for the help and the negotiation skills that attorneys possess. Don't bother with him on your own.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 3876 | Registered: Jan 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not getting it; listen to stbm. In order to play hardball with him, you need to have an attorney involved. You will make a lot of rookie mistakes otherwise. Don't send anything to him. It will become a permanent record.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have an attorney then all conversations must go through him/her. That's the way this game of hardball is played. My attorney expressly forbade me from making any agreements or negotiations with my ex while the divorce was underway.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's not easy, Leia. Our attorney's told us to work out what we could with the household division. They told us we would have to go to "arbitration" if we didn't.

One thing I learned to do is mention to my lawyer any correspondence with him and this helps my conscience and also he'll take it more seriously.

I get what you wrote and think it's good. I've had to do some similar things to get him to take me seriously.

He, too, and she, took some of my stuff and I know I will never see it again or someday will replace. It's small stuff I accumulated but would have liked-cd's or books and stuff. If I came down hard or included lawyers in discussions I have worked it out better.

FWIW, I've had to tell X that I won't sign any papers until he does x, y, z and it lit a fire under him better then just anything else.

Hope you'll get your car back. One of my big things that I just figured out how to save is my baby grand piano that's coming very soon.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.