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stbxWH exposing our toddler to his conquests

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AlwaysTooNice posted 4/17/2014 11:48 AM

Everyday he finds a new way to hurt me or our son.

A week ago, we agreed that our 2 year old shouldn't be exposed to the Jerk's new "girlfriend" whom he just started dating. He said he'd talk to me first before they met.

3 days later, he introduced them and took them to the beach together. Last night, she spent the night while he had our son overnight. This morning, my poor baby was confused and kept telling me "(her) in Daddy's bed." :(

Since last week, my son has also started really resisting going to his dad's house. The Jerk literally has to pull him off of me while he's screaming and crying for me. He doesn't do this any other time for any other person. I have a bad feeling.

I left a message with my lawyer but haven't heard back. What do I do? Obviously he is so selfish. He has no care for anyone but himself. How does he not see how confusing this is to our son?

nekorb posted 4/17/2014 12:35 PM

I don't have any advice, but I'm so sorry for you and your son having to go through this. I can't imagine having to hand over my child to someone while they are crying and screaming for ME.

AlwaysTooNice posted 4/17/2014 15:39 PM

Thank you, nekorb. It's gut wrenching hearing my baby cry like that. I'd never spent a day away from him before al of this. I'm his constant.

I had a nice sob then pulled myself together and wrote an email. My lawyer says that until our temporary needs hearing (hopefully sometime arounc the end of May) we both have equal rights to our son but I can suggest what I think is best for him. That's what I did. We'll see if the Jerk even responds.

SBB posted 4/17/2014 18:27 PM

Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M. We agreed to not introduce for a year or two - he was really concerned I'd shack up quickly. 20 weeks later he tells me he is ready to introduce his office gopher to my girls as his GF. She now lives with them. She wasn't even DD OW but an LTA I found out about when he told me about the intros.

Divorce solves the shit husband problem but not the shit father problem.

There is most likely nothing you can do. You may be able to limit the overnights because he is so little but it merely delays the inevitable. My youngest was almost 2 at S. Handovers are via daycare/school - rarely in person. They seem to be fine with in person as long as it is a direct handover. If we're at an event together my girls cry to stay with me. My mamma heart breaks and I hate him most at those times.

It is heartbreaking but we have to help guide them through this. They have to adjust to this new normal. I hate that I have to do it but it is what it is.

I'll never understand how they can do this to their kids. I can do nothing about my girls being caught in the revolving door that is his love life by I can model healthy behaviour for them.


AlwaysTooNice posted 4/17/2014 19:24 PM

Thank you, SBB. I'm afraid you're so right. That Asshat was at his girlfriend's house when my son called to say good night. Her little boy was going ape shit, and STBXWH was making it obvious what he was doing. He was being so sickeningly sweet to our son. He never does that.

I asked if he received my email. He said yes but that he doesn't have to respond. Ugh! We aren't even parallel parenting at this point. He does whatever the fuck he wants and has no interest in communicating about our child.

sparklezombie posted 4/19/2014 18:35 PM

Ask your lawyer if your custody agreement can include a provision that neither of you can have overnight guests of the opposite sex while son is with you. I included that in my custody agreement for the same reason. It's a standard clause most judges will agree to.

DepressedDaddy posted 4/19/2014 18:48 PM

So sorry to hear this. This is one of my biggest fears. My STBXWW and I have made some agreements regarding who she or I can expose our DD to, but I fear that she is going to have her OM around.

Those that have children and have parenting agreements that are fairly mutual and split, what wording do y'all use for exposing DD/DS to future partners (OP or otherwise). I want to make sure my DD is taken care of and not exposed to anything they don't need to.

tennis26 posted 4/19/2014 18:51 PM

He'd have to agree ... but in our order neither one of us can introduce the kids to a SO for a year and no cohabitating unless remarried.
He acted like he was concerned about me jumping from guy to guy. I've been with just one guy for 20 years, who knows how many OWs he's had. But I'm glad I could put language in to protect the kids from him.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Try to be strong and stand your ground during the custody talks.

Imissmyhusb posted 4/20/2014 10:14 AM

I remember being at my dads girlfriends house when i was toddler/preschool age. When he moved out (and into her house) i would visit with him there. It is confusing for a kid. The first time he told me he was taking me to his new home we went to her house and i was wondering for what seemed like hours 'when r we leaving to go to my dads house? Why r we here for so long?' Then she saw my sad face and askd what was wrong. When i told her 'i wanna go to my dads house' she said 'this is your dads house'. I was confused, that answer was very unexpected. My older siblings hated her.
She was nice, never mistreated us, but it was still hard to understand at first

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