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HurtsButImOK posted 4/17/2014 15:10 PM

So x and I are over and done but there is one major thing still swirling around in my head. Opinions and thoughts welcome to help me move past this idiocy.

Supposedly I was x's first. Way back in the day we dated and slept together for a few months. Relationship sucked and I broke it off. Fell back into my FOO and dated and slept with another (was single so no cheating here) after a few months = need for external validate.

X love bombed me, we end up back together. I always felt a sense of punishment throughout the relationship (lasted 16 years). That's kind of a whole other story.

what I don't understand is that he can 'punish' me for sleeping with another after him, yet fuck skanky whores he has known less than a day. How does that work?

They were not hard to get and would have done anyone. Better yet tell me why the hell does this matter to me!

norabird posted 4/17/2014 16:11 PM

The night everything ended with my exWBF, he called me a slut. I did have a lot of experience, but it was when I was single, and I had never lied to or misled anyone, ever. I believe he said that to me a sentence or two after telling me he was intending to take home and fuck the woman he was talking to at the bar when I walked in and found him there.

So, it is all projection. He can't face what he is, so he turns it around on you.

It's also about insecurity. He never had the confidence or self-assurance to brush off what happened during your split, which any mature and well-adjusted person could absolutely do. that lack of confidence eats at him. But instead of facing that it stems from his own self-esteem issues (which would require working on them), he decides it's about you being a bad, unfaithful person. The energy that should go into healing himself, which is difficult, goes into attacking you, which is easy and makes him feel powerful and justified.

It makes you crazy, I know. There's this desire to make them get it, to understand that they are wrong, and unfair, and have everything ass-backwards.

Unfortunately they aren't able to get it, or if they do, we will never know.

Pinkyxo posted 4/17/2014 16:36 PM

Your STBX sounds like mine. We were broken up for a while back in 2000. He ended up suicidal and at a shrink's office. Love bombed me too, got on meds. It took us almost 2 years to work things out. He promised me so many things but never followed through. Went off his meds and checked out emotionally.

I don't understand it either...it just does not compute. They're messed up and want to take us down with them.

I'm sorry, I can relate. Wish we weren't here.
((HurtsButImOK))

Starzjourney posted 4/17/2014 17:15 PM

He's a fucktard...it really is just that simple.

HurtsButImOK posted 4/19/2014 14:31 PM

Thank you. I have been made to feel like a 'dirty slut' for so long I forget at times that I am not. X was my second, next guy my third.

Projection and he is a fucktard = 100% on the money. I shouldn't feel bad for something that was not 'wrong'. Damaging to me, yes, nothing to do with him or our relationship. I hate that I allowed this fuckery to happen. I was so immersed in what I thought was his pain I allowed him to use it as an excuse to fuck others. Mad at myself.