Edited for typos and clarity
[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 9:41 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 9:58 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]
You can't fix shit when it's ignored.
Have I wasted the last 4+ years trying to fix something the wrong way?
My picture of a reconciled marriage doesn't include the image of a past 'marriage-exploder' throwing a tantrum.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I feel like such a fucking stupid loser who stayed when there really never was any real security. I guess I should've gotten the hints all along by the way he kept telling me that I'll ALWAYS be insecure...
Guess he's right. But that's only bc he'll NEVER get me enough to give me that security I so desperately need.
YOU are NOT a loser!!!
I'm in the same place as you right now, with the exception of being preggers, but we rugswept because I couldn't ask the questions I didn't want to hear the answers to. Now it's all coming back out, and he says the same things "It'll never be enough, blah blah blah"
but it's THEIR job to put us back together, to make us feel uber safe and secure, right? IMO, we, as BSs have to find a way to be open to it, but they have to do the work.
as I said on another post, it's the difference between HAVE to and WANT to that shows us their true feelings.
adding in the coming birth of your new one is surely adding to your stress, we all want to know that we are bringing them into a safe and secure world, and if yours is teetering, it can do nothing but make you feel insecure. his JOB is to support you, more now than ever.
that's just MHO of course.
IMO - YOU have 2 issues to deal with here.
1. Realizing that you never healed, and he never did the work, and you are not R.
2. Is he cheating again?
His response to your figuring out number two will determine if you can go back and rework number one.
I am so sorry you are here, and have to deal with all of this again at a time where you should be full of hope and joy. The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you will have an idea of where you need to go from here.
BTW a Truly remorseful spouse is FOREVER TRANSPARENT. Why would they allow themselves to be put into a place of suspicion? Hiding his phone is a Ginormous RED FLAG to me.
Keep reading keep posting, go see a lawyer, and sister know that you did what you could handle at the time it happened, quit beating yourself up on the past, look to the future, and know that it takes 10 tons of hard work to really heal this wound.
[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 7:08 PM, April 18th (Friday)]