4 years after the last DDay and we've made what we thought was a lot of progress. We were even in such a good place in our M recently that we finally decided that we were ready to get pregnant. So we did. Things were going so well. So well that we both talked about how happy we were that we've learned how to deal with the issues that used to really cause problems, such as financial issues and our living situation. The moment we acknowledged that, April (2 DDays this month) came and I started triggering more. More than I have in the last couple of years. The triggers, along with financial stresses with baby coming soon and needing a new home and car, have all lead to increased fighting and sinking into a rut. A huge one!
That's all bringing back insecurity and more painful triggers. The big problem for me emotionally comes in bc now that I'm triggering again after years of being ok and happy, my fWH is angry that I'm not "over it" as he thought I was. I honestly thought that even tho the memories were still painful, they at least weren't as powerful as they used to be. I thought I was healed up quite a bit. Enough to trust, maybe never 100%, but close enough to feel more secure and happier than I'd been pretty much ever in our 10 year marriage.
His anger and frustration with my recent unexpected triggering and relapse into the world of hurt I felt 4 years ago, is actually making me trigger and hurt EVEN WORSE!
I think he forgot how to be a loving remorseful fWH after getting comfortable with our stronger M. I feel like explaining to him what I need ALL OVER AGAIN is just making him more frustrated and he's convincing himself that I'll NEVER be over it.
I wish he knew that even tho I may NEVER be ok with the affairs, I CAN heal enough to be as happy as we're even just a few short weeks ago. I just need his help to heal. I just wish he showed remorse like he did in the beginning when he wanted to save our M...
Which begs the question... Is this FALSE R?
There has been enough rugsweeping which is part of why I think I'm triggering after all this time. Questions unanswered. Things I didn't ask back then bc I didn't want to know yet. Things that never made full sense to me. Have I wasted the last 4+ years trying to fix something the wrong way? Should we just quit since I highly doubt he'll ever understand that this healing is NOT on HIS time?
There's so much good he/we've done but his anger and lack of remorse now is something that is undoing all the progress and healing I've gotten thru so far. Please help me figure this out!
Edited for typos and clarity
[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 9:41 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]
"The beauty of your life being burned down to the ground is that you can rebuild it any f*cking way you want!"
BW: Me 37yrs WH: 32yrs
Multiple DDays. Lots of TT & lies. Last DDay: 02/07/2015
Tgthr 15yrs, Married 12yrs, in R
4 sons