I miss her. I miss talking with her. I miss confiding in her and her confiding in me. Trying to keep up with NC is torturous. I have to keep reminding myself of what she has done to me, but as everyone knows, it doesn't make it any easier.
I just want to sit with her, hold her, talk to her and have the connection again.
[Reminding myself] She cheated on me. She is hurting me. She is not the woman I fell in love with. She has made a choice and is "in-love" with someone else.
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
I still miss having that best friend, but it isn't him. I miss having someone to come home to at night, to share the ups and downs of raising kids and home ownership. My career is very emotionally draining many days; I wish I had that person to debrief with.
That person that I wish for is not him. He isn't the man I thought he was. I want someone to share all that with, but it can't be him. If, by some miracle, I did let him back in, it couldn't ever be the same. I forgave him once, he did it again. I'd be watching over my shoulder, waiting for him to do it again.
I want my best friend back. I'm lonely. But I'm willing to wait for the upgraded version to enter my life. I'm not willing to just take the first guy that wants to be with me just because I'm lonely. I want a true best friend next time.
You will find a true one too. Don't even bother thinking about settling for one you know doesn't think enough of you to keep your secrets or to keep their pants on when with others. You deserve better.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
Now, he comes home and I do my best not to engage him. It hurts so badly. I can smell OW's perfume wafting around him as he comes in.
He is hurting me. He is showing complete disregard for me, out marriage, our family, our history together. My best friend seems to have died about a year ago. In his place is a person who looks like him, but is a liar and a cheater who only thinks of himself. He blame shifts and denies and wants to walk away from our marriage with no consequences.
My friends don't treat me that way. I miss my best friend. I don't know how to fill that void. I'm trying to focus on how NOT to fill it right now.
We are with you.
Your post demonstrates that while this is incredibly difficult, you already understand the reality. And while we are all capable of making mistakes and exercising poor judgment, the consequences for betraying our best friends generally include a loss of the friendship.
My XWW was my best friend, too...for nearly 20 years. When things were bad, she's the first person I turned to, and when I was at my lowest point and needed my best friend more than ever, guess what? My "best friend" was still in the fog of her A and so self-absorbed she couldn't be bothered.
Betrayal by a best friend sucks. But I have a new best friend now. Several, in fact.
I wish you strength.
[This message edited by lostandhopless at 6:57 PM, April 18th (Friday)]
When I was single I had a best friend who literally was like a sister to me. We were so close.
But when she decided to cheat on her DH and use spending time with me as an excuse I could not tolerate that. I thought the world of her husband.
He knew she was cheating when I didn't have a clue. I swear I think I was as devastated as he was. I had to end our friendship as I just could not abide what she was doing.
It's been many years now. I missed the friendship for a long time - but I just could not remain friends with a cheater.
like everyone else here, someone who I don't know now lives in his body. He's selfish, destructive and believes his own lies. We grew up together, been together since we were 16. How anyone could walk away and level their own blood I don't know.
I have lots of friends that I can share openly and honestly with but I do miss that special connection. I know someday some guy is going to thank him for being such an ass and letting a such a good woman go.
I already know I am his greatest loss.
Im so sorry. I know you are in so much pain. I know because I miss my best friend too.
My friend, my best friend, my girl, my fiance, my bride, my family, my wife, my son's mother, my soul mate, my everything.
We were always together for 12 years. Two peas in a pod. Me, her, and our baby.
She started her A in 2012 and changed completely. Sge became a monster.
My best friend died two years ago. Worse, because she was capable of doing what she did, that means she never was who I thought she was. It was all a lie. An illusion.
My best friend never existed.
At least if she died instead of having an A,I would have always known that she truly was my best friend untill the end.
Best friends don't lie, betray, cheat, blameshift, gaslight, disrespect, break promises, or walk out on you when you are dying inside and need them the most.
The big problem with betrayal is that it seldom comes from your enemies. A best friend wouldn't knowingly inflict that much pain on you.....
I took my own advice and made myself remember that it was just a mask and that I'm grieving who I thought he was, not who he really was.
Still liven: that it what I'm trying to come to terms with. It's so hard because my whole life revolved around him, and it wasn't who I thought it was. It was all lies and betrayals and a mask. Finding it hard to forgive myself for falling for it all and still I miss the mask.... sounds insane.
I just got back from NY. Last time I was there was with my ex, and it made me miss him, too. Or at least, the version of him he pretended to be. I became very lonely. It was my first real vacation by myself and it was going well until NY.
Now he is back in my head...all that wishful thinking going on, and wondering if I will ever have another - real - best friend. I really missed him. Dang it. You guys are the only people I would let know, though. I would die if it ever got back to him.
Just chiming in with a "me too." You are not alone. It is especially hard for me when I have my kids and miss our partnership. I think at various moments, "This is what WE should be doing, this is what WE should be experiencing..."
It is very very hard. But as you know, we had no choice. She cheated. Period. Our hearts will catch up to our head. Try to enjoy your weekend. (())
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
He is not the man I thought I knew and now there is a hole where a best friend lived. At times it's really lonely.
(((((dd))))) The choice she has made is not best friend material. You deserve and will have better.
They live on in memory only.
Your 'best friend' is gone.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11