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Sitting with this low moment

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knockeddown posted 4/18/2014 21:07 PM

I was doing so good today. I was doing so good yesterday. Now I am having a low moment. I must sit with this moment and observe my feelings. I must observe my urges associated with my emotions and recognize that I am in control. I don't have to frantically text my friends to try to get someone to pay attention to me in this desperate moment. I don't have to call the pizza delivery guy and eat a bunch of pizza that I will regret later. I don't have to drown myself in video games only to numb the pain for later. I must sit with it. It will not kill me. I must observe my thoughts and take a step back to see that they are just thoughts. Nothing more. Nothing less. Whenever I think about how she had to take her panties off for him and she let him inside of her. That thought is no different than "I am a banana." I must stay in the present moment and recognize what is right in front of me and how I feel. If I can do that, I will emerge a much stronger man who knows his values and character. For me, half the battle is sitting with this pain. I want to be like a martial artist in control of his body. I want to be like a monk observing the thoughts and emotions that run through me.

LeftOutintheCold posted 4/18/2014 21:56 PM

(((knockeddown))) I hear you and feel you. You so expressed exactly what I've been trying to. It's a struggle beyond any doubt.

Much strength to you!

RidingHealingRd posted 4/19/2014 00:57 AM

At 1 month post Dday all I could do was rage and wish all bad things onto my WH.

Your resolve to maintain control is impressive given the tremendous stress of infidelity. Continued success with that.

Jrazz posted 4/19/2014 10:48 AM

I want to be like a monk observing the thoughts and emotions that run through me.

I think that's a fantastic goal. Don't beat yourself up if the feelings and hurt sneak past anyway. Try your hardest to be strong, and know that it's ok to break down occasionally as well. It doesn't mean you're weak - this is a hell of a rollercoaster.

The fact that you are looking at this as a "low moment" and not a permanent state means that you are already well on your way to a monastic outlook.


norabird posted 4/19/2014 10:52 AM

I find this truly inspiring. There is no doubt that you will come out stronger on the other end. I admire your ability to face this and let it build your character up, instead of allowing it to obscure
the bigger picture.

Sadmumma posted 4/20/2014 08:43 AM

Your D day is quite recent. It's amazing what only a couple of months can do. Are you reading the 180?

I don't know whether sitting with the pain becomes easier... But it becomes more tolerable.... Eventually, even distant Like an old friend.. In my first few weeks I cried constantly. I became the master at " quiet crying". I had years streaming down my face but could hold a conversation and you'd just think I was sad...

Feel it.. It is good... Do not let it consume every waking thought.,. You will come out of this stronger

RipsInMyChest posted 4/20/2014 09:30 AM

I practice eastern thought and remaining present as has helped with control and perspective for me. not fixate so much on control of your feelings that you do not really feel and process them. Allow yourself to wallow every once in a while. It is a healthy release of feelings.

To be able to stand steady in a tidal wave of emotion is true strength. Let yourself feel what you feel and don't judge yourself for those feelings.

So sorry you find yourself here. (((Knockeddown)))

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