My fiancée and I have been together for 7 and a half years and he just proposed Christmas Day. The last 6 months have been the best six months of our lives with traveling, connecting, and feeling like life is finally on track. Out of no where I feel like my whole life got turned upside down.
My fiancée got a new job, we got engaged, and his almost adult children where put back in our lives all within the last 60 days. He was being extremely short with me, working 18 hour day, which is only about 2 hours more than usual, and I felt this distance between us. I get on the computer to get some tax stuff together and I notice he has over 90 emails in his deleted folder. He never deletes anything so it raised a red flag. It was all these song titles that him and a women he works with we're emailing back and forth. I felt betrayed at this point just by the fact that he has no time for me and is always short with me but he has time to email her and look up songs and joke with her. I confronted him about it and he snapped. He said he couldn't do this anymore, he wasn't going to live his life with me always looking over his shoulder, he didn't want to have this same argument 5 years from now. He has broken my trust in the past by having friends that I didn't know about or approve of but I have never caught him cheating, in fact he is the least sexual person I've ever met, even in the beginning. He is motivated by money and power not women.
My fiancée has had a tough life losing his mom at 1 years old and his dad taking off so his mothers parents, his grand parents, raising him. His grandfather pasted when he was in junior high and his grandmother even though she was not well survived on dialysis for 15 plus years. She passed his senior year in high school and he was homeless sleeping in his car, showering at the gym, and going to school. He got a scholarship for baseball but turned it down because he got a girl pregnant. He thought his options were limited so he joined the marines, married the girl he got pregnant, and she was pregnant again 2 months after the first child was born. While deployed in another country the girl decided to moved back to their hometown and give custody of the kids up to her aunt. My fiancée comes back and his kids are with these family members and his wife is pregnant with another guy's baby. So needless to say my fiancée hasn't had a typical childhood and I've allowed that to be an excuse for him.
Back to the present, my fiancée has been staying in hotels telling me that he doesn't know what he wants, he says he doesn't like himself right now so how can he love me, he says he knows he's destroying this life he built and can't do anything about it.
So last Friday, about a week ago, I drive over to this girl that he's been emailing's apartment after a work dinner and our car is park on the 6th floor of the visitors parking. I call him, no service on his phone. He has told me a guy friend of his lived there but I knew better. I get in our car, the one he drove, and there is a bag that he takes with him everywhere. In the bag there is this holistic book, which I know this other women is into, and in the little inside pocket there is a Viagra pill. I kept praying to know the truth and find the smoking gun and that was my moment, I was enraged and call her house phone from the directory and she answer and I told her to send my fiancée out. She hung up on me so I called back and my fiancée answered her house phone.
I was devastated and drove home. My fiancée walked home and called me and said the most hurtful things to me. He said that nothing was going on but come on, it doesn't get more obvious than that.. He will not admit anything and won't apologize for anything and that is the most frustrating part. I had him pack his stuff that day after we fought all night and now he's already lined up this high rise apartment with 24 hour valet and some professional basketball player living 2 floors above him. It is so unbelievable he can just move on like that and he says it's because he's done nothing wrong.
What I need help with is where to start??? My whole life has been him from me cooking him dinner and rubbing his feet every night to me getting up at 4am to put his jeans in the dryer so he has warm unwrinkled pants to put on when he gets out of the shower. I have a great career, no kids, and a heart of gold. I feel like I'm the only one hurting. This guys is just going on with his life and I'm not eating, sleeping, or able to function. I've lost 14 lbs in 10 days and that's about 10% of my body weight. Please help with any advise with anyone that's been through something similar. I feel so confused, blindsided, scared, and most importantly sad. He is so manipulative he keeps trying to leave to door still open that he will change but he need to focus on himself right now. How could I of loved someone like this???