I'm hurt but at peace with divorcing, its time, I know the abuse will only end when I say it does. I of course still love the man I married but realize it's not him living inside that body that looks like my husband's.
My SIL and I are still close and we talk a lot, she's almost 10 yrs younger and is very outgoing, cute, etc..so she was joking around telling me I need to just go out and get me some "strange" as she calls it, that I will be good for at least a couple of months.
I cannot imagine doing that for a variety of reasons, I'm terrified at the thought of dating, it sounds like people expect to get in your pants right away. I don't know if I would ever be ready for that. I really do connect being intimate with someone with love not lust, maybe I'm just too old fashioned or conservative.
I'm curious what others have experienced. I'm still fairly young so I'm expecting that someday there will be someone significant in my life again.
This whole process is crazy, I never thought I'd be here after 20 yrs. I've always been glad that I was married and not on the dating scene.
Dating provides it's own set of problems. Take care of your current situation before you jump into a new one.
Of course, my WW feels differently on this topic.
Best of luck to you and I always say follow your heart!
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
You need to do what's right for you. Spend the time healing. Spend time getting to know and love yourself outside of a relationship. If you are conservative, so what? Be who you are. The right man will respect that, and love you for who you are.
So, for now, I just enjoy a healthy social life with friends and family. I also participate in a couple of community activities so that I meet new people. It's nice. I'm enjoying myself and being social without the pressure. Maybe I'll come to the point where I want to do something proactive about dating, but since I don't feel like it now, I'm not going to worry about it. Just go out and enjoy yourself without worrying about dating right now. If the time comes where you want to start dating, then you can step up your game.
Do this at whatever pace feels right to you.
I get lonely, but for the most part I'm okay. considering I am doing 100% of the parenting, I'm keeping busy. when I'm not doing that and working full time, I'm now the Vice President for the youth organization that they pushed Prince charming out of his role as president. So I have plenty socially to keep me busy, which is good for me.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
I'm over 2 years out from D-day, 1.5 years D and I still feel like I have to spend my energy on my son, my job, myself before I feel ok dating. Right now, I'm satisfied with that. Yes, there are lonely moments and I'd like to have some adult fun but at this point, I'd only want that for a short time...then I'd want it to go home.
[This message edited by tesla at 6:50 AM, April 20th (Sunday)]
Well I had many years of an intimate caring relationship that involved deep intimacy. The sex part makes everything seem cheapened. That's what my WW did. Scumbag kind of stuff. I think many people turn sex into a commodity. I think the first time dating, kissing, etc will be very nerve racking.
My beliefs are conservative as well. I intend to remain faithful until the ink dries on the D papers. I won't do it for her anymore, I will do it for me. I will know I was faithful to my vows. It's a personal thing. In addition it allows me to set a clear personal boundry for personal healing. I am making myself take these months to explore ME. Get inside my own head and heart and learn to appreciate myself.
Just my thoughts.
Plus, what kind of relationship would it be, an EOW, relationship? I am not bringing men into my home around my 14yr old daughter.. unless it's serious, no way!
So for now, focusing on me, my job and being there for my kids, and having girl time with my BFFs. Aside from Holidays, or a weekend here and there, I'm happy and at peace with myself.
Me -BS (49)
DS 21, DD 17
My XH and I had a very long separation due to him being a soldier and being away on tour (18 months from date of separation to his return plus another 6 weeks while we waited for the D to be final). In that time, I was able to move on but it didn't come without hardship and trial. I was lucky in that the man I moved on with was someone I had known for nearly a decade and who was brave enough to weather the storm of emotion that came with being not all that far out from my marriage. He was with me when I moved out of our house (it was military housing. I moved out while XH was still away) - that was hard, but he understood. He was with me when I got my decree. I cried - not for the loss of my XH, but for my sense of failure - and he understood. I'm not sure if that would have been possible with someone with whom I didn't already have a strong bond.
You need to do what is best for you. There is nothing wrong with being alone. It can be very empowering.