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FB Friend's New Boyfriend

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tabitha95 posted 4/20/2014 02:53 AM

A girl I went to HS with, but didn't really know then, and certainly don't really know now friended me on FB a couple months ago. She was obviously going through a transition period and was moving back to our home town (where I live). She started dating someone about 3 weeks ago as someone I recognized as liking one of my pictures on match about a week earlier than that.

A few days ago she posted the "in a relationship with..." post. I looked at him up on match and he was not hidden. In fact, he had been active within 24 hours (for match, that means essentially any time after 1 hour had passed before a day). He then viewed my profile the next day. I didn't feel comfortable getting involved, especially since the views aren't date or time stamped. What if I was wrong? I knew he was active, but maybe they emailed that way or something that wasn't any of my business.

Today she posted a FB message that they broke up, he was jealous and turned weird....blah blah whatever.

I FB messaged her some of the general information I listed above and a screen shot of the viewing so she could see his picture. Again, I said that it's not date stamped, but since they broke up, I thought she should know that she wasn't to blame. I was very apologetic.

She read the messages almost two hours ago. No reply.

I regret telling her. I could just tell she was beating herself up over a failed relationship and I thought she should know he wasn't a good guy (without saying..."Hey...he isn't a good guy").

Oh well, I don't know her very well. If she is mad at me over anything (not telling, telling, whatever), she can unfriend me on FB. It's not like we have a real friendship.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 2:54 AM, April 20th (Sunday)]

tesla posted 4/20/2014 07:04 AM

Well -- I suppose it seems a bit forward to do something like that.

But...having gone through an initial similar dating experience with ex-shat over 15 years ago, if someone had sent me a similar message (and I strongly suspect they could have) perhaps I would not have fallen for the love-bombing and gotten back together with him.

I would have done what you did.

tabitha95 posted 4/20/2014 13:14 PM

I was in false R, gaslighted, blameshifted, basically emotionally abused.

When I saw that it looked like he was pulling some wayward tricks (being overly jealous, accusatory, etc...). I just had to tell her it wasn't her fault and good for her that she saw the red flags early.

Still no reply from her. I feel bad because I don't know if she's embarrassed, mad or hurt.

I sometimes can be a fixer. Maybe I shouldn't have butted in, but their relationship was over and I wanted her to know that she wasn't to blame.

norabird posted 4/20/2014 14:37 PM

I think it was very good of you to give her a heads up.

mixedemotions posted 4/22/2014 17:00 PM

If I were her I'd prefer the info and actually would have wanted it as soon as you noticed it...but these situations are always tricky because there are so many variables...what if we're somehow wrong, what if they have an agreement that's none of our business and now we've embarrassed them...

Sucks you were in that situation, but as a fellow single gal I appreciate the effort!

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