Hi all,
Ten hours of mediation. Still ironing out the details, but now I am wondering if the deal is the best for me.....
Anyhows, I had to see him for a joint session first thing. The retired judge wanted to go over the confidentiality stuff with both of us in the room. I was really upset about that, because I was adamant that I did not want to see him, but understood that I needed to cooperate with the judge's request. So, I just starred down into my lap when he came into the room and did not look at him. He came around and introduced himself to my attorney and accountant and I kept my head down. Then, turned my back to him. I realize that was not the most mature thing to do, but it was the best solution I came up at the time to avoid seeing him.
My attorney is happy with the deal. I am not so sure two days out. He does not have the cash to give me, so the house I am living in will be sold. I am really pissed that I have to move again. I am pissed that I will be inconvenienced by the open houses, showing the house.....He gets to keep the marital home we lived in. At the time, my attorney said it would be very difficult for me to get a loan, since I am not working. So, I thought if I can't get the loan, I have to sell the house. Now, I am wondering if I should have insisted that he put a line of equity on his house, give me the cash and I could have paid off this house, so no need for the loan. But, then, do I want to stay in this house? It was our retirement home, with memories attached. It is near the beach, so I can hear the ocean at night and it's a quick walk down. But, I do not have a yard. The maintenance is high down here as well. So, is it better to have a fresh start, take the cash out from the sale of the house, but it won't be enough to buy another home in the area, maybe a condo.....
I get support for a couple of years, it was a short marriage. Some retirement money. We are still haggling over some of the details, but I don't think I will have to go in for another mediation session, hopefully the attorneys can work it out.
Yesterday, found out I have to have a root canal.
I don't know if I should say something to my attorney about the house deal, or just leave it alone, and start looking for a place to live. Just pisses me off, that he's the one that cheated, but he keeps the house and I have to move again......Not that I want the marital home, because he moved his mistress in there and the summers are way too hot for me. But, his life will continue on before and I have to go through another major change in my life because he doesn't have the cash on hand. He spent an outrageous and ridiculous amount on his attorney for a simple cash, even the judge said it was an inordinate amount.
Emotionally, it was a difficult day for me. I shook for most of the day, was unable to eat lunch and by the end of the day, I felt hammered. After 10 hours of mediation, I had class that night until 10 pm. It was a very, long day.
But I never have to see the pig again, never have to be in the same room with him. My marriage to a lying, cheating coward is close to the end.
With the deal we are working on, I will have a clean slate. Nothing of the marriage will remain, except for some money once the house sells. I just need to feel okay about the house selling and having to move again. This will allow me the freedom to go where I want to go, I just don't know where that is. I will be done with school in June and then look for work. So, maybe it's good that I have a fresh start, I just don't embrace change very well. All I see now, is what I have lost, rather than what new opportunities are out there for me.
Thank you all for your support. If you have any feedback for me, I am open to it. Nothing was signed in the mediation, although the judge wanted reassurance that we would not renege on the agreement that was partially worked out.