I'm so sorry honey. I wish you could be indifferent too.
He has a broken someone in his life, and you have YOU. Who is the winner there? Hands down, it will be the person who has done the work to heal. That can and will be you. But you must commit to not allowing yourself to stay mired in the muck of the past and thoughts of the ex.
It's time to focus and work like a maniac on things that are positive for you, on the future. Do some reading--I'm on 'Living and Loving After Betrayal' by Steven Slosny right now and I find it very clarifying. Your M, your D, your ex--those are things of the past. We all here understand that the trauma stays with us and that it is hard to let go. But you MUST let go. You are deserving of a life free from this pain, this feeling of inadequacy. You have to reach out for it, though.
Peace and strength. Today, Easter, is a day symbolic of rebirth for many. Let it be that for you too--a new chapter of growth and acceptance.