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When will I get to indifference???

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Harriet posted 4/20/2014 10:54 AM

I just heard that my ex and his OW are reconciling and getting back together. I suspected so, but to hear it for sure was painful. Still painful, still emotional. Why can't I seem to move on?? Why does it bother me? Why can't I seem to remember what an ass he is, and why do I think she has a prize?

I still can't stand it that he has someone in his life and I have no one. As petty as that sounds, it rankles me.

We will have been divorced for 2 years this summer, apart for longer. I feel like I'm so weak and pathetic that I can get sucked back down onto the roller coaster. So many times I thought I had finally gotten off the ride, and it takes so little to get me back on.

I need to get myself out of bed and try to enjoy easter with my family (and not think about the fact that he is spending easter with someone else's kid).

I just don't know what to do next. I am so tired of it. I am so drained emotionally. I wish I had someone, a SO, who I could get some support from.

I just needed to rant a bit to you all. I have reached a point where people IRL don't want to hear it. They think I've moved on and admire how strong I am and think I have so much pride and self respect to just leave my ex in the past. They don't know.

Feeling so low today.

strawblond30 posted 4/20/2014 11:06 AM

I am having one of them emotional roller coasters rides also. I personally hate myself. He has money I can't afford a new top. He taking kids for dinner he did look good. I've gained 10 pounds since divorce I cry often and sometimes to him. I need closure some how but failing to find it. I have a great guy who says he loves me but I can't give as much in return. I know these weird feelings since 2004 his first day . Now divorced he has dated and screwed so many more

Grace and Flowers posted 4/20/2014 11:30 AM

My timeline is similar to yours, Harriet.

"They don't know". So true. They don't know how my damn dreams won't stop...I wake up missing who I thought my husband was. I HATE that he spends holidays with OWs daughter, and not his own kids.

I wonder if I will EVER be truly indifferent. Somehow, I still feel the earth has tilted off it's axis, and that I'm living in a weird alternate universe. I still ask myself, how the hell did this happen? So hugs to all of us that still struggle.

norabird posted 4/20/2014 11:33 AM


I'm so sorry honey. I wish you could be indifferent too.

He has a broken someone in his life, and you have YOU. Who is the winner there? Hands down, it will be the person who has done the work to heal. That can and will be you. But you must commit to not allowing yourself to stay mired in the muck of the past and thoughts of the ex.

It's time to focus and work like a maniac on things that are positive for you, on the future. Do some reading--I'm on 'Living and Loving After Betrayal' by Steven Slosny right now and I find it very clarifying. Your M, your D, your ex--those are things of the past. We all here understand that the trauma stays with us and that it is hard to let go. But you MUST let go. You are deserving of a life free from this pain, this feeling of inadequacy. You have to reach out for it, though.

Peace and strength. Today, Easter, is a day symbolic of rebirth for many. Let it be that for you too--a new chapter of growth and acceptance.

nowiknow23 posted 4/20/2014 14:56 PM


Harriet posted 4/20/2014 15:04 PM

Thank you everyone. Norabird, your words help to bring me out of my pity party a bit. I need to try to be as strong as people think I am. I can't believe the range of emotions I have felt within the last few hours: extreme sorrow and anger. And then hope. I don't know what will happen when I lose hope.

I think it was easier before because I had goals to reach - finalize the divorce, make the house my own, etc. Now it is the new normal and I find myself not knowing what to work towards.

Thank you, for responding with so much love.

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