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Newest Member: Brokeninnm38 (61788)

User Topic: Ws dislikes me on this site !!
♀ 42833
Member # 42833
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I come here because it helps. It may make me feel hurt at times, bring it all back ( not that the pain ever goes, it just hides) but sometimes it makes me feel a title better.

He has just told me to come off here. I told him NO. I have no one to talk to, this is my only way I can communicate and put my feelings down.

He wants to move on ans forget all he has done. It's not so bloody easy for me sadly.

Dday 19th feb 2014
P on swinging site.
Trying to R. still love the SOB.
Dday 2 21/12/15. Kik and Skype sex chats.
TT Feb 2016. Discover he back on fab since oct 2014. Met up for sex with couple. And 1 ow 2- then 4 times. ?? More lies.

Posts: 195 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Wales
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has no right to tell you what you need to do to heal.

He needs to start fixing himself.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 18622
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You wouldn't be here if it weren't for HIM. Tell him that! (((Hurtgmw)))

Givers need to set limits because takers never do.

Posts: 929 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Planet Earth
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is not unusual for a WS to feel threatened by this site, especially if they are not owning up to their betrayal and want to "rug sweep." I don't know your story because you have nothing in your profile, but it sounds like your WS is not showing remorse and is still thinking more about himself than you.

This site will help you a great deal, no matter what the outcome of your marriage is. You need to be able to talk to people who know what you are feeling. We have all felt the kind of pain and confusion that you are feeling now.

Read the articles in the healing library on this site. There are lots of really good books out there to help you. Don't let him bully you. He did this to you and you need to heal how ever you can, with or without him.

If he is serious about saving his marriage, he will get on board with what he has to do to win back your trust. Hugs, and KEEP POSING!

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
♀ 42853
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ridiculous. Tell him to go scratch... you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his actions so he has to deal with that like you're dealing with his crap. :( hugs

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..sounds like a 'bully'..

..don't back down. You deserve to have the help and support of this site..

..your WH should shut his mouth and open his eyes to the damage he's done.. maybe read here himself to get him out of his fog.. that "just get over it and let's get back to normal" type fog..'ve found a safe place here, with lots to learn and process.. sorry you are here but it's the best 'worst' club to join.

..take care of yourself and keep posting!


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 70
Her 66
Married 45 yrs (together 50 years!)
18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer.
. died from a brain tumor@57

Posts: 4977 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Ontario Canada
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We hear this quite often from unremorseful WS's who want to rugsweep.

FWH was like this for a long time. He eventually came around..or gave in. This is MY safe place. If he won't talk to all will.

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tell him you didn't particularly like him swinging and having sex with multiple other people, but that he didn't consult you or consider your opinion about it. And then I would probably tell him to go f*** himself.

Me, 50. (How did THAT happen??)
Him, 42 (JMSSC)
married 20 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 3999 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
♀ 34210
Member # 34210
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mine doesn't like it either. he says it makes me make what he did "bigger than it is"

cuz, you know, that whole atomic bomb he set off in the midst of our "happily ever after" wasn't *really* that big.

don't leave, post often. even when I wasn't posting and just lurking after I joined, I got lots of help by reading others' stories and how they were handling similar situations


eesh-- what an 'effing mess!!!

Posts: 540 | Registered: Dec 2011
♂ 26859
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him to take a bit to read some of the stuff in the Wayward forum. It doesn't sound like he is anywhere near being ready to hear anything from us, but that would be his "home" if he were to ever look at SI.

Do what YOU need to do to make it through this for YOURSELF.

WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6114 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since he is the reason you found SI, he needs to deal with that don't you think?

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto on the non-remorseful rug sweeping as the "why" behind his feelings. SAWH was like that rather bad during our 15 month false R. You do what YOU need to!

Having said that, I have noticed I need breaks from the boards at times. Sometimes, it makes things worse but not usually.

Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016

Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an

Posts: 772 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Out of the ashes
♂ 34689
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I started reading here long before my wife's affair and the near destruction of my family was caused by my addiction go this site!!!!


If my wife said something like that I'd remind her in explicit detail what led me to discover that this type of support group existed.

BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1151 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why, because you will get stronger, wiser, have friends validate your feelings, cry with you, laugh with you, advise you?? Yea tough shit for him. Do you recall him asking if it was ok to go on his site of choice. Don't let him bully you. I'm sure he would like you to just put it in the past but that can't happen if he's not not willing to help you do all of the above that you get here.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


This is BS, and he knows it. He just wants you to shut up and rug sweep the whole thing.
That doesn't work. All that will do is demoralize you, tear down your self esteem, and allow him to repeat his actions.

I disagree with telling him to join/read here. When a spouse is still so foggy you need to protect yourself. I used this place as my safe place to talk, cry, and find strength. It is because of this place I knew what to do when I was ready, and guess what, It worked.

H came later when he was out of the fog, he read some, but I do not believed he ever joined. That's ok. He knows I still check in just about every day. He also is cool with that. Because he gets it. He gets that I can offer something to folks that are hurting so bad they aren't even sure if they can make it through the next 4 breaths.

Tell him to go get bent. Seriously. Stand up and tell him he needs to understand he has destroyed your life and your world. You don't trust him, and until he can prove his worth, he doesn't get ANY say in how you choose to live your life.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13405 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 42544
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH and I were talking about this just yesterday. I'm on this site as well as reading currently "not just friends". He also told me he didn't see the point for me to be doing all that because he feels it keeps me from moving forward and it's just making me relive it all. I told him on the contrary, it's helping me understand all the emotions I'm dealing with as well as trying to understand the mentality of not only me but him as well. I'm one that needs to have all the information on why things happen and how and because of what etc. more of the mentality aspect in general and not just from my WH. It's my way of having some kind of control and understanding which in turns helps me and that's currently what matters. He said be understands, he has never told me to never go on this site but I know he's not too fond of it either. Oh well. I'm the one that needs to function so "OH WELL!" :)

Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 42822
Member # 42822
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine isn't crazy about it either. He acts like I am overgeneralizing our situation from what I read here. Says that he is "different" Funny to me because all the moves he is making are text book WS who are slow "getting it" And he doesn't realize I have the play book (SI) he doesn't have and he is following it to a "T" without even knowing it...

He does understand that I get help from it, by knowing I'm not alone and crazy. He's just defensive when I mention what a WS who wants to R should be.

BS me 51
WS 44
OW easy NSA he told he was single
9 mo A
DDay 1/3/14
TT 2 wks later
still waiting for the rest
Married 13 yrs
Together 22
In house S Limbo

Posts: 79 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southeast US
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Unremorseful waywards loathe this site. The sad clown called it a hate site. Posted something about when will she get over it and got a VERY gentle 2x4 challenging some of his thinking.

Boy did he go on an OTT rage about it. He would never have dared try to dictate where I could or couldn't post but he was very vocal about blaming SI for all of struggles we had.

They don't like us having a backbone - they prefer us scared and alone. Dependant. SI also makes rugsweeping very difficult.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6010 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our MC didn't like my being here at first, either - until she checked it out herself. Just sayin'....

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17029 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 37629
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here. He said I was just looking for more negative things about him. Hello! You have ripped my world and been a SOB while doing so. Rug sweeping is his middle name.

BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years

Posts: 215 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
Topic Posts: 25
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