Short version: We went to my STBX BIL/SIL's house for Easter today. I'm sure my invite came from SIL. We drove separately, kids traveled with me.
This was the first holiday since we told the kids about the A/D. We are still living together, nothing has been agreed upon or filed, etc, etc.
I can never do it again. It was SO awkward. I arrived after WH/MIL and I was greeting everyone with hugs and kisses I got to WH and it was like...I don't know what to do...he said Hapoy Easter and grabbed me in a big hug. I started to cry and had to stay outside for a minute and get myself together.
I just felt completely out of place. BIL/SIL were welcoming and kind like always. But...it was the constant need to avoid WH, constant reminders of how things used to be, me fighting off tears the majority of the time. My BFF stopped by to pick something up....I met her on the sidewalk and burst into tears!
Then when the kids and I left and I was saying good bye, hugs and kisses, etc...same deal with WH, but this time I just gave him a quick side hug, no eye contact, and it was still really hard to hold it together.
I can't do it.
I had told WH from the beginning not to EVER expect to share holidays or special events with me ever again after the D. Now I know I can't share them during this transition time either.
It hurts too much.
[This message edited by nekorb at 8:08 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]