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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: overreacting?
Unagie
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so yesterday xSO was going out. He gets his shoes and apparently there were screws in the shoe. He comes in asks me if I put screws in his shoe....no.

Are you sure? Yes
Maybe when you were taking apart the vacuum? No I did that in the bedroom.

I ask him are you sure they didn't roll off the table or something from when you built your computer? No he doesn't think thats it.

Ok well I didn't do it, why would I do that?

Then he leaves. Maybe I am overreacting but it felt accusatory. Seriously why would I do that?


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss


Posts: 2802 | Registered: Oct 2012
devistatedmom
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He thinks you would do that because he thinks you must want to do anything you can to hurt him, so you MUST have put them in there. He thinks like that because it's something he might do. (not screws exactly, but if the opportunity arose, he would hurt someone. You must think the same way.)

Next time tell him no, you did not. If you were to do that, it would have been shards of glass.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5588 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
FeelingLost13
♀ 42504
Member # 42504
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. They project things they would do to us. I recently texted my WH about going to our house to start packing my stuff. I intended on starting with stuff that is only mine. He told me he still lived there and cooked there, so I couldn't pack anything from the kitchen or anything he might want. (Personally, it seems like he's always at the OWs house.) I thought to myself that it was bc if he were the one not living at home and had to return to pack, he
WOULD start with the stuff I would need and/or want. Then he called his L and told me I had to provide a list of what I wanted to pack and then said he'd have to call the police to be present to prevent conflict. I've definitely had other examples in the past too. Where are the rational people that we were married to?


Me: BW-36
WH-39
No children
Together: 15 years Married: 11
DD: 1/7/14
He filed: 1/27/14

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014
deena
♀ 27275
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is paranoid.
That's what happens when you do something shitty to someone.......he is wondering what you are going to do to get back at him.

But if you where going to do that why do something as silly as put screws in his shoe.

My FIL was cheating on my MIL. He just kept on seeing his OW and coming back home like nothing was wrong with that.

My MIL once said how she rubbed insulation on his underwear and let him wonder why he was so darn itchy down there

BTW he is now living with another OW, he left MIL at 60 years old.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3143 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The Arse assumes everything I say is a criticism because he is looking for fault in me. Now that I've filed, he seems to think I'm out to try and deceive him in the D and get one over him...guess what I reckon his tactics are?

Many of our unremorseful WS project what they would do if they were us. And that's exactly why they don't get it. Their lack of remorse takes them to mental places that we don't want to go.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1107 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
RedWheelBarrow
♀ 38966
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MIL once said how she rubbed insulation on his underwear and let him wonder why he was so darn itchy down there

Wow. I would have done this, if I had thought of it! Genius.

I say do the insulation in the undies. Screws in the shoes - nah, too vanilla.

I will admit to hiding, and disappearing some of his favorite things. And letting the dog lick his sandwiches before packing them for his lunch...


Me: BW 50
Him:"Rockstar" late 50's
DS: 11
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Divorced!

Posts: 139 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
GreatRoleModel
♀ 36809
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ahhh the lovely paranoia isn't it great??? The paranoia and projection is what led me to believe he was cheating again and we were in false R. Another play from the handbook.

Feelinglost I could have written your post about providing a list and getting the L involved and you are absolutely right if they had to get things out of the house they would go for what you need first even if they didn't need it out of spite.

Deena your MIL is a genius!


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!
“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.”
― Robert Frost

Posts: 393 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
deena
♀ 27275
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIL is a genius

Yes she can be hard to deal with at times, but some of the things she has done and said....wow!


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3143 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell him next time it will be dog poop


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Unagie
♀ 37091
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks I didn't think I was overreacting. I feel like sometimes he thinks im still bitter or something. I am but im not vengeful.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss


Posts: 2802 | Registered: Oct 2012
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It felt accusatory because it was. You are not overreacting.

((((Unagie))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally not overreacting.

I was accused of being vindictive and bitter--


The doosh: "Just like I always knew you would be!"

Me: "when have I ever been vindictive in the past 20 years??"

The doosh: "Well never, but I always knew you had it in you!"

Smh. Whatever. It's allllll projection. They know it is what they are capable of, and assume that all people must be that way. Idiots.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 12

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