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So light dawned, but I bit my tongue

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justasinger posted 4/21/2014 00:11 AM

Ok, so just over a year ago (2 months after dday #2) my WSO thought it would be a good idea to jump in a car with a friend and go to Oklahoma for a couple of weeks. When she got home, she spent about two hours sitting on the opposite side of the room from the bed and stated it was because she thought I had 'had' someone else in 'our' bed. Since that time she's made a lot of comments about me not touching her or wanting to have coitus (sorry, watching Big Bang theory a lot lately), and it dawned on me that I could use her not wanting to sit on 'our' bed , to explain to her why I don't want to be intimate with her. So why do I keep holding back, why can't I just tell her these things???

Ostrich80 posted 4/21/2014 01:16 AM

So she takes off for a couple of weeks unexpectedly it sounds like, after having ONS's and its YOUR fault? What is she doing to fix her issues of seeing om. She needs to keep focus on the one that cheated, HER. Don't let her place blame on you and some lame ass accusation. Why did you bite your tongue? Are you afraid of upsetting her?

tushnurse posted 4/21/2014 07:34 AM

Sounds like you still need to find your voice.
It is not OK for you to just sit silently, and accept whatever vomit she spews in your general direction. If she is starting to see what she has done, and is looking for direction you have to give it. She's not a mind reader, no WS is, and honestly when they are foggy for a while, they are a bit (ok a lot) emotionally retarded.
Sometimes they need a road map, and detailed list.

Find your voice, it will give you strength.

((((and strength))))

justasinger posted 4/24/2014 12:17 PM

I think I post too much... Sorry for not getting back to this thread, it's hard for me to keep track of them. I haven't figured out how to get it to email me when a new message comes in. I did find my voice, and used this thought process on her on the 22nd (DDay 3). She really hasn't done anything to negate seeing the OM's or the OW. I'm moving into the spare room for now, telling her I need some space and some time to digest everything, before I can decide if this is even worth trying to fix. Thanks to everyone here at SI, I might add.

nowiknow23 posted 4/24/2014 12:23 PM

I haven't figured out how to get it to email me when a new message comes in.
When you start a post, there's a check box between the message area and the Preview and Submit buttons labelled "Notify me via email on responses." It's only there when you start a new topic, however.

justasinger posted 4/24/2014 12:26 PM

that's good to know, would be nice if you could get notified when it's a topic you are just a responder too though.

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