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justinpaintoday posted 4/21/2014 07:40 AM

So WW says she wants to talk.

She tells me that me looking at her emails and discovering the second affair was very distespectful. I violated her privacy.

She said the kids know what I did and know the truth of me violating her privacy. She still has not acknowldged the pain she caused me with the second affair or even apologized.

My response ,"I understand. In a couple weeks you will be free of this problem. " (She is moving out in a couple weeks). She got upset and said I was a blamer and that was a horrible way to live. I said "ok" and "good night".

I just have no interest in arguing with that kind of logic. In fact everyday I have less and less iterest at all. She also asked if i had a girlfriend. Shes all over the place mentally.

These last couple weeks are going to be entertaining. I am being painfully civil for the kids. It is interesting watching my WW struggle as her power diminshes and detach further and further.

Once she moves out and I am not forced to see her everyday it will be interesting to see her behavior. And my further healing.

Gemini71 posted 4/21/2014 07:55 AM

Yeah, that's the problem, lack of privacy. Obviously is have nothing to do with her destroying your trust.

Kudos to you for not reacting to her BullSh.

Sadmumma posted 4/21/2014 07:58 AM

Hmmm. The discovery portion was disrespectful.. Interesting . And the affair itself was.. What exactly

Great response.. Exactly what was deserved.

Take2 posted 4/21/2014 08:15 AM

And That is the way it is done!

If the WS Handbook of Excuses and Deflection had a "How to Deal with Your BS or: Troubling Responses" chapter - your responses would be listed ....

SBB posted 4/21/2014 08:15 AM

Girl, hold my earrings!!

AYFKM? Violated her privacy?? What or who she does from hereon in is none of your business - her exposing you to STDs etc during your relationship IS your damned business.

The kids know what you did? What does that do but drag them further into this mess? Unlike you, you crazy idiot, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

The fucking cheek of it.

You must be a bloody Buddhist.

After final S the sad clown confronted me about evidence of a keylogger he found on our shared PC. I told him I had installed it a year prior to DD but had uninstalled after the X days trial without looking at the screen shots because I felt yuck about it - you're supposed to trust your husband, right? He was indignant. AYFKM? The fact that I clearly DID have cause for concern was lost on him. He was 'surprised'. Not as surprised as me, fuckwit.

I reacted much the same as you. That is all behind us now and we'll never have to be subjected to my lack of trust in you and your untrustworthiness.

It is odd to see the extreme reaction to the loss of perceived control over us. I'm a fairly easygoing person and it didn't really bother me that he was so bossy (controlling) during the M. But did he seriously think it was going to continue? The mind boggles at the delusion.

Here's hoping the crazy-o-meter doesn't go into overdrive over the next few weeks. I am really concerned about how much she is using the kids as ammunition here. I hope you're keeping the communication lines open with them. You can't control her fuckery but you can advocate for them and for yourself.

stronger08 posted 4/21/2014 08:18 AM

At the stage I'm at almost everything that came out of my XWW mouth was comical. Its funny how alike they all are.

justinpaintoday posted 4/21/2014 08:35 AM

SBB: The kids and I are fine so far. I am very calm and matter of fact with WW. I certainly want to engage emotionally as a H but I know it is futile so I chose life.

I am not a Buddhist (strong Christian). I just have peace. I am losing all interest in her "fuckery" and mind games. I realize that to R would be a real step down for me. She is now a ruling member of the trashy scumbag class.

Williesmom posted 4/21/2014 08:40 AM

When my wxh started that bullshit, I always came back with the same answer: "you promised to love, honor, and cherish - once you broke that promise, all bets are off".

They're all idiots at this stage of the game.

Merlin posted 4/21/2014 08:51 AM


Continue with not trying to make sense out of nonsense.

She will deal with what she's done what she's done when she's ready (if ever).

You are right. She has lost the ability to 'control the narrative'. The circle of her influence will eventually collapse into her own head.

hexed posted 4/21/2014 08:59 AM

JIPT you are handling it perfectly. It doesn't matter what you say at this point. "green elephants are selling girl scout cookies at the soccer game" makes just as much sense as anything coming out of her mouth at this point.

your energy, as you are wisely seeing, is better spent on other parts of the process.

norabird posted 4/21/2014 09:49 AM

She is now a ruling member of the trashy scumbag class.

Gosh, you've come far fast JIPT. Not the type of education any of us ever wished for, but I'm sure it will stand you in good stead in life nonetheless.

Pass posted 4/21/2014 10:03 AM

She tells me that me looking at her emails and discovering the second affair was very distespectful. I violated her privacy.

Dude, I've gotten the exact same line from The Princess - over and over. She even likes to tell me how illegal it was to "stalk" her like that. All I did was read her email because I thought she was screwing around, and she was!

The only logical response to this horseshit is "Fuck you".

Nature_Girl posted 4/21/2014 10:04 AM

Good job! Too bad your WW doesn't discern the difference between privacy & secrecy.

MadeOfScars posted 4/21/2014 10:06 AM

Proud of you JIPT. I don't know what I would have said or done in your position. When you get past the hurt, it really is comical, as you put it, how the wayward's thought processes "work." I remember a thread here a month or so back titled something like "Shit the WS says," and how many similar posts there were in that thread. It's like WSs all are working off the same manual in that they convince themselves they're somehow the victim and/or the better person. It always has to be about them.

You can't rationalize her irrational behavior, but you can choose how you respond or don't respond. Bravo JIPT.


Girl, hold my earrings!!
I needed the laugh this morning

Sad in AZ posted 4/21/2014 10:14 AM

Just remember; if it's not about kids or finances, the proper response is, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

LA44 posted 4/21/2014 10:19 AM

Hello! I am just checking in on you and saw this post and am amazed at your composure. You have some so far, Justin.

I liked this...

I realize that to R would be a real step down for me.

Incredible insight. Good for you!

Keep taking care of you.

jagged posted 4/21/2014 11:55 AM

In fact everyday I have less and less iterest at all.

^^ Keep riding this freedom train. It's a welcome change from that rollercoaster thing, and it goes to a much better place.

I'm still always amazed by the script - we've all heard the same bullshit. The twist my XWW put on this same laughable argument - when I told her we were done, and I was filing for D after busting her a second time - was "Well, it's just as well, because I cannot tolerate someone who doesn't respect my privacy". That. WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

[This message edited by jagged at 11:55 AM, April 21st (Monday)]

SBB posted 4/21/2014 12:21 PM


"You HAVE to trust me. I can't be in a marriage without trust."

Also said with a straight face. I said "Me either, dude. Me either."

It wasn't funny at the time but I burst out laughing in his face. He kept his serious face.

We should so compile a cheaters handbook. He's not the winner of Bastard Bingo but he is a contender.

[This message edited by SBB at 12:21 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

dbellanon posted 4/21/2014 12:44 PM

Dealing with this stuff is like living in some weird ethical twilight zone.

I actually did apologize for invading her privacy by reading her e-mails, though I felt less and less guilty about it as time went on.

But while she did seem to feel like she deserved acknowledgement from me that this violation of privacy was wrong, she didn't seem all that upset about it. Indeed, she seemed mad at herself for not covering her tracks better.

And of course, she didn't seem upset with herself at all for cheating.

It's all so twisted up, it makes my head spin.

Tripletrouble posted 4/21/2014 19:11 PM

I think I just healed a little. Even though my spidey senses were tingling off the chart, and I checked his phone record because I was already in the phone account for a different reason and noticed the HUGE volume of texting, I have felt strangely guilty for the last year over what felt like a violation of privacy.

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