Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: js01 (45726)

User Topic: I hate dating steriotypes.... why can't women approach men?
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So... I was at church on Easter Sunday... and saw this attractive guy there.....didn't look like he was with a woman....family but not a girlfriend or wife... (although I neglected to check his hand for a ring...) and I wanted him to talk to me sooo bad......and NO I don't presume him to be a mind-reader....or have special ESP powers....
but of course I was chasing my toddler the whole time.....

Yeah...real turn on THERE!

I doubt I would ever have the proverbial balls to have gone up to him and started a convo.....and knowing my luck he wouldn't have been interested anyways....but it was nice to feel that attraction again.....and to a church going guy at that!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:36 AM, April 21st (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
heartbroken_kk
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((She11ybeanz))

Sweetie, those stereotypes are only in YOUR HEAD.

Absolutely not true that women can't approach men. They can, and they DO. And the men don't mind.

A toddler on a hip, a nice smile, and howdy, nice to see a new face in church. Start a conversation. It doesn't have to lead to anything. It can just be talking to someone.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1234 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A toddler on a hip, a nice smile, and howdy, nice to see a new face in church.

Well...the bad thing about that is....*I* am kinda the new face too since I haven't been to my own church in FOREVER..... but it does give me some incentive to go more often!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Jduff
♂ 41988
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll back it up and say I don't mind being approached. My guy friends don't mind at either.

Starting a conversation is just as easy as saying -
"Hello! My name is She11ybeanz. I haven't seen you at this church before. Are you with "so-so" family?"

Then let him introduce himself and take it from there. :)

Just relax, start a conversation by removing expectations, and let things flow from there.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 616 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just relax, start a conversation by removing expectations, and let things flow from there.

I guess I could go back.... and see if he is a regular now.... I sure hope so!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Jduff
♂ 41988
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and even if you find out he is "taken", he may have a single friend or two that may be just as attractive and really good guys. If he finds you to be a genuinely good woman, he will tell his friends. Suddenly they'll come to church also.

Just be the authentic YOU, no matter what. And good luck on the next chance meeting!


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 616 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he's there alone, it isn't just for the homily.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
fireproof
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would go to church because you want to be there.

If you see him or anyone then that is positive but you I assume are doing it for you. If not I would continue on the dating site.
Otherwise it becomes frustrating.

Good luck! The stereotype is for those who make it about the stereotype. If you are interested casually start a conversation with him. Life is so very short!

[This message edited by fireproof at 6:00 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


Posts: 1056 | Registered: Jul 2012
NoLongerWantHim
♀ 19934
Member # 19934
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly

Who says you can't?

It's church. Everyone there is definitely approachable, and you certainly can and should introduce yourself. Dating? Meeting a new friend? Simply sharing fellowship?

Its adult company.

The only thing stopping you is you.


Me & the kids are having the malignancy removed.

If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW


Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Where I want to be, on the road to the future
DepressedDaddy
♂ 41521
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though I am not ready to get back in the dating world, I know it would be a relief for me to have a woman ask me out. Would like to get through my D first, I say go for it. My motto is the worst thing that can be said is "no." If that happens, you are still in the same situation you are in right now. Even if someone says "no," it is still flattering to them and they are not there thinking "OMG, I can't believe someone just tried to ask me out," and if they do say that...they're not worth it.

As a guy, I would be all for having a woman make the first move!

[This message edited by DepressedDaddy at 7:44 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 836 | Registered: Dec 2013
Kuwaited
♂ 5491
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll back it up and say I don't mind being approached. My guy friends don't mind at either.


As a guy, I would be all for having a woman make the first move!


I think this may be fairly universal…and I’m not sure why women think otherwise.


I was at church on Easter Sunday......I doubt I would ever have the proverbial balls to have gone up to him and started a convo.....and to a church going guy at that!

For some reason I find this to be wholly incongruous.


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8491 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
LearningToRun
♀ 31353
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps it's a stereotype, but if I've started out as a female doing all the work, I continue to do all the work.

Sure you can smile and be friendly, but beyond that, if they don't make the effort to ask you out, then they aren't that into you.


Posts: 312 | Registered: Feb 2011
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure you can smile and be friendly, but beyond that, if they don't make the effort to ask you out, then they aren't that into you.

Or they might just be shy... It ALWAYS drives me nuts when people fall into this line of thinking.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:03 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


Posts: 1805 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I love it when a woman approaches me. Guys become flattered too ya know


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously,
but it was nice to feel that attraction again.....and to a church going guy at that!
this is not a stereotype????

What is wrong about church going guys? Are they too boring and to righteous to be attractive? Frankly, the ones who take it seriously don't want to get hit on in church because they are attractive ... they would want to be respected for their faith and because they are earnest human beings who attend church to worship their God.



Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I echo the guys' sentiments here: we love being approached! We have the same fears and insecurities--as well as societal pressure to be the proactive "approacher." Many times I was interested in a woman but froze, only to let a possibility pass me by. Take a chance on that guy! As the others have said, the worst thing that can happen is he says "No" or some variation.

And hey, we all have been rejected in much worse ways than that, right? So we surely can handle this one! ;-)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1677 | Registered: Dec 2012
abbycadabby
♀ 27428
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is not a stereotype????
What is wrong about church going guys? Are they too boring and to righteous to be attractive? Frankly, the ones who take it seriously don't want to get hit on in church because they are attractive ... they would want to be respected for their faith and because they are earnest human beings who attend church to worship their God.

I think that's the point she was making- she's excited to be interested in a church going guy because the perception is that they're more trustworthy or better people. Or something.

Well...the bad thing about that is....*I* am kinda the new face too since I haven't been to my own church in FOREVER..... but it does give me some incentive to go more often!


I wouldn't make meeting new people/possibility of a new romantic connection the only reason I went to church though. IMHO, that's totally the wrong reason to go to church.


Posts: 1302 | Registered: Feb 2010
pjkmkjm23
♂ 35778
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps it's a stereotype, but if I've started out as a female doing all the work, I continue to do all the work.
Sure you can smile and be friendly, but beyond that, if they don't make the effort to ask you out, then they aren't that into you.

Oh please don't let all women believe this!

Some of us guys are fighting to regain any of our self confidence that our walk-away X's completely obliterated! In my case, I pray for a bold enough woman to walk up to me, club me over the head, and drag me back to her woman-cave! Or....maybe at least strike up a conversation with me

Because once I get past that initially shy, awkward first meeting, and I'm somewhat convinced this lady could even be interested in me....then I'll definitely put in the effort to show if I'm interested too.

(Of course this is only until I have finally gained back enough confidence to approach someone first....but it's taking forever lol!)


Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
Lonelygirl10
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh please don't let all women believe this!

I think that it's something that A LOT of women believe, or at least a lot of the women that live near me. It's something that I struggle with myself too.

I've been dating around some myself recently. I met a guy that I really like, and we are both only seeing each other for now to see where it leads. But even with knowing that he likes me, I still feel insecure and fall into the dating stereotypes. Should I text him first on a given day? Should I ask to see him, or wait until he asks me? Should I follow up on plans we tentatively made? There are so many books out there that say that the girl is supposed to let the guy take control. And so many of my friends tell me I need to let the guy control it. I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say that if the guy isn't pursuing you (like by not texting first or whatever), then he's not interested. So I feel like I'm walking a tightrope lately by trying to be myself and trying to listen to all the dating rules. It's frustrating. Would love a guy's opinion on all this.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2013
LearningToRun
♀ 31353
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because once I get past that initially shy, awkward first meeting, and I'm somewhat convinced this lady could even be interested in me....then I'll definitely put in the effort to show if I'm interested too.

This is exactly what I meant. A woman can let her interest be known, but then you need to step back and see if it's reciprocated.

If you want to text first, do. But if you are the only one texting first, you got to stop and look at it. I've been in situations where I realized I was the only one making the effort, when I stopped, it all stopped. But that was for the best.


Posts: 312 | Registered: Feb 2011
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.