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I hate dating steriotypes.... why can't women approach men?

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She11ybeanz posted 4/21/2014 08:34 AM

So... I was at church on Easter Sunday... and saw this attractive guy there.....didn't look like he was with a woman....family but not a girlfriend or wife... (although I neglected to check his hand for a ring...) and I wanted him to talk to me sooo bad......and NO I don't presume him to be a mind-reader....or have special ESP powers....
but of course I was chasing my toddler the whole time.....

Yeah...real turn on THERE!

I doubt I would ever have the proverbial balls to have gone up to him and started a convo.....and knowing my luck he wouldn't have been interested anyways....but it was nice to feel that attraction again.....and to a church going guy at that!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:36 AM, April 21st (Monday)]

heartbroken_kk posted 4/21/2014 14:18 PM

((She11ybeanz))

Sweetie, those stereotypes are only in YOUR HEAD.

Absolutely not true that women can't approach men. They can, and they DO. And the men don't mind.

A toddler on a hip, a nice smile, and howdy, nice to see a new face in church. Start a conversation. It doesn't have to lead to anything. It can just be talking to someone.

She11ybeanz posted 4/21/2014 14:38 PM

A toddler on a hip, a nice smile, and howdy, nice to see a new face in church.

Well...the bad thing about that is....*I* am kinda the new face too since I haven't been to my own church in FOREVER..... but it does give me some incentive to go more often!

Jduff posted 4/21/2014 14:39 PM

I'll back it up and say I don't mind being approached. My guy friends don't mind at either.

Starting a conversation is just as easy as saying -
"Hello! My name is She11ybeanz. I haven't seen you at this church before. Are you with "so-so" family?"

Then let him introduce himself and take it from there. :)

Just relax, start a conversation by removing expectations, and let things flow from there.

She11ybeanz posted 4/21/2014 14:49 PM

Just relax, start a conversation by removing expectations, and let things flow from there.

I guess I could go back.... and see if he is a regular now.... I sure hope so!

Jduff posted 4/21/2014 15:20 PM

Oh, and even if you find out he is "taken", he may have a single friend or two that may be just as attractive and really good guys. If he finds you to be a genuinely good woman, he will tell his friends. Suddenly they'll come to church also.

Just be the authentic YOU, no matter what. And good luck on the next chance meeting!

Merlin posted 4/21/2014 16:25 PM

If he's there alone, it isn't just for the homily.

fireproof posted 4/21/2014 17:58 PM

I would go to church because you want to be there.

If you see him or anyone then that is positive but you I assume are doing it for you. If not I would continue on the dating site.
Otherwise it becomes frustrating.

Good luck! The stereotype is for those who make it about the stereotype. If you are interested casually start a conversation with him. Life is so very short!

[This message edited by fireproof at 6:00 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

NoLongerWantHim posted 4/21/2014 19:29 PM

Shelly

Who says you can't?

It's church. Everyone there is definitely approachable, and you certainly can and should introduce yourself. Dating? Meeting a new friend? Simply sharing fellowship?

Its adult company.

The only thing stopping you is you.

DepressedDaddy posted 4/21/2014 19:44 PM

Even though I am not ready to get back in the dating world, I know it would be a relief for me to have a woman ask me out. Would like to get through my D first, I say go for it. My motto is the worst thing that can be said is "no." If that happens, you are still in the same situation you are in right now. Even if someone says "no," it is still flattering to them and they are not there thinking "OMG, I can't believe someone just tried to ask me out," and if they do say that...they're not worth it.

As a guy, I would be all for having a woman make the first move!

[This message edited by DepressedDaddy at 7:44 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

Kuwaited posted 4/21/2014 22:37 PM

I'll back it up and say I don't mind being approached. My guy friends don't mind at either.


As a guy, I would be all for having a woman make the first move!


I think this may be fairly universal…and I’m not sure why women think otherwise.


I was at church on Easter Sunday......I doubt I would ever have the proverbial balls to have gone up to him and started a convo.....and to a church going guy at that!

For some reason I find this to be wholly incongruous.

LearningToRun posted 4/21/2014 22:55 PM

Perhaps it's a stereotype, but if I've started out as a female doing all the work, I continue to do all the work.

Sure you can smile and be friendly, but beyond that, if they don't make the effort to ask you out, then they aren't that into you.

h0peless posted 4/21/2014 23:00 PM

Sure you can smile and be friendly, but beyond that, if they don't make the effort to ask you out, then they aren't that into you.

Or they might just be shy... It ALWAYS drives me nuts when people fall into this line of thinking.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:03 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

SeanFLA posted 4/21/2014 23:19 PM

Personally I love it when a woman approaches me. Guys become flattered too ya know

fraeuken posted 4/21/2014 23:48 PM

Seriously,

but it was nice to feel that attraction again.....and to a church going guy at that!
this is not a stereotype????

What is wrong about church going guys? Are they too boring and to righteous to be attractive? Frankly, the ones who take it seriously don't want to get hit on in church because they are attractive ... they would want to be respected for their faith and because they are earnest human beings who attend church to worship their God.


Abbondad posted 4/22/2014 06:43 AM

I echo the guys' sentiments here: we love being approached! We have the same fears and insecurities--as well as societal pressure to be the proactive "approacher." Many times I was interested in a woman but froze, only to let a possibility pass me by. Take a chance on that guy! As the others have said, the worst thing that can happen is he says "No" or some variation.

And hey, we all have been rejected in much worse ways than that, right? So we surely can handle this one! ;-)

abbycadabby posted 4/22/2014 09:36 AM

this is not a stereotype????
What is wrong about church going guys? Are they too boring and to righteous to be attractive? Frankly, the ones who take it seriously don't want to get hit on in church because they are attractive ... they would want to be respected for their faith and because they are earnest human beings who attend church to worship their God.

I think that's the point she was making- she's excited to be interested in a church going guy because the perception is that they're more trustworthy or better people. Or something.

Well...the bad thing about that is....*I* am kinda the new face too since I haven't been to my own church in FOREVER..... but it does give me some incentive to go more often!


I wouldn't make meeting new people/possibility of a new romantic connection the only reason I went to church though. IMHO, that's totally the wrong reason to go to church.

pjkmkjm23 posted 4/23/2014 01:26 AM

Perhaps it's a stereotype, but if I've started out as a female doing all the work, I continue to do all the work.
Sure you can smile and be friendly, but beyond that, if they don't make the effort to ask you out, then they aren't that into you.

Oh please don't let all women believe this!

Some of us guys are fighting to regain any of our self confidence that our walk-away X's completely obliterated! In my case, I pray for a bold enough woman to walk up to me, club me over the head, and drag me back to her woman-cave! Or....maybe at least strike up a conversation with me

Because once I get past that initially shy, awkward first meeting, and I'm somewhat convinced this lady could even be interested in me....then I'll definitely put in the effort to show if I'm interested too.

(Of course this is only until I have finally gained back enough confidence to approach someone first....but it's taking forever lol!)

Lonelygirl10 posted 4/23/2014 16:07 PM

Oh please don't let all women believe this!

I think that it's something that A LOT of women believe, or at least a lot of the women that live near me. It's something that I struggle with myself too.

I've been dating around some myself recently. I met a guy that I really like, and we are both only seeing each other for now to see where it leads. But even with knowing that he likes me, I still feel insecure and fall into the dating stereotypes. Should I text him first on a given day? Should I ask to see him, or wait until he asks me? Should I follow up on plans we tentatively made? There are so many books out there that say that the girl is supposed to let the guy take control. And so many of my friends tell me I need to let the guy control it. I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say that if the guy isn't pursuing you (like by not texting first or whatever), then he's not interested. So I feel like I'm walking a tightrope lately by trying to be myself and trying to listen to all the dating rules. It's frustrating. Would love a guy's opinion on all this.

LearningToRun posted 4/23/2014 16:43 PM

Because once I get past that initially shy, awkward first meeting, and I'm somewhat convinced this lady could even be interested in me....then I'll definitely put in the effort to show if I'm interested too.

This is exactly what I meant. A woman can let her interest be known, but then you need to step back and see if it's reciprocated.

If you want to text first, do. But if you are the only one texting first, you got to stop and look at it. I've been in situations where I realized I was the only one making the effort, when I stopped, it all stopped. But that was for the best.

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