Actions,
I was that person who "thought" I was aware of cycles and I had been working to break them for my own son. How messed up is that? My Dad is a drunk, so I stayed away from alcohol, drugs and tobacco. Neither of my parents earned a degree, I have. My family has a long history of blue collar jobs, I don't. My parents never owned their own home, I do. They never had a healthy relationship or long marriage, I did (and luckily still do). I worked and worked not to be them, until I became them - minus the alcohol, but addictions take different forms.
I think working on our childhood issues is a constant battle throughout our lifetime - they are something we have to always be on watch for. We cannot get complacent or too comfortable, because for me - they always return.
Thank you, Alyssamd24 and Authenticnow for your support.
I asked my wife about her thoughts on this topic. My fear is someday he will hear about it from the wrong person. If he finds out, I want him to hear it from us together.
My wife's response was perfect - she said, she thinks this is an opportunity for our son to see that we are "real" people and not perfect parents and this can be something that he can learn from. She said, her father had addiction problems and overcame them before she was born, but his honesty about his drug use helped her see he was human and that also helped their relationship be more real and trusting.
My big fear, of course, is when he finds out, he'll be angry for betraying and hurting his mother and that he'll think less of me as a person. I know that I judged my own parents for their shortcomings, the truth is they never addressed their issues or tried to change anything about themselves. My father still drinks and I still have no relationship with my mother.
All I can do is be the best parent and spouse I can be now and hope that's enough for him to see that I love him and his mother very much. And when the time comes to talk about it with him, I'll have to be as open and honest and real as he needs me to be.
[This message edited by brokeback at 8:13 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]