wouldn't she have said then if more had happened?
Um, no? People minimize like they're getting PAID to do it.
I had a bff in college whose boyfriend was cheating on her. How did I know? I was dating her boyfriend's brother. (Who was cheating on ME. That's a whole other thing.) I had actually witnessed her boyfriend leaving another woman's house one morning because we had to go pick him up!
My boyfriend had convinced me that he would talk his brother out of this crap and begged me not to tell my friend and "ruin" our 4-plex. I decided I couldn't hold onto the info and went to my friend, starting the conversation with, "I need to tell you something about 'J'..." and she cut me off and said that if he had anything going on she wanted to hear it from him and it was none of my business. I was shocked but scared to lose our friendship (of 5 years) so I just left it alone.
This, plus other little flags, pushed me and pushed me until I had to get out of everything. Broke up with BF and pretty much went NC with bff.
Years later, she married the guy and they have two sons, and I can see that they are both FB friends with the OW. Having distance from these relationships, I've realized that I can't be around people like that... the rugsweeping is almost more for me to bear than the cheaters. I like my reality REAL.
"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron
If your bff is no longer with this guy, it's pretty much a moot point. You had info, she declined it. If this dude were still in the picture I'd say that there's call for exorcising this, but it sounds like the rehashing is more for some guilt you're hanging onto than to fix something... if that makes sense. What I'm saying is, if the information you are holding is part of active deciet (pretending you don't know anything) then you need to come clean. If you have offered all you have at her convenince, it's up to her to take you up on it or move on. If she's learned to be healthier in her relationships, I would agree that she's growing up and moving on.
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16