Topic: Moderators and Admin
Member # 39439
| Posted: 11:20 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
There is a topic on here where a Moderator has been taken to task. I can say without a doubt that they are fair and honest and really do put us first. I have had first hand assistance from these people and they have been kind but firm. I was not very nice to them but in spite of it all, they gave me a second chance. I want everyone to know how much I appreciate them. They are here for me, for us and they do an outstanding job. Thank you guys. You really are The Best!!!
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
Posts: 1871 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 30024
| Posted: 11:26 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
Yes, they are the best. I am grateful everyday for them and this site. I can not say "Thank you!" enough. Yes, I have had to be reminded of guidelines on numerous occasions. They were nothing but kind and firm. Oh, yeah, and patient. Very patient.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Admins, Mods, and Guides)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 13055 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 42012
| Posted: 11:28 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I concur!! They do an outstanding job! I accidentally posted to a Stop Sign thread a month or 2 back and DS was very kind with me.
Everyone here has been remarkable and caring.
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
Posts: 4474 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Member # 35846
| Posted: 11:31 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
Unfortunately many of us are in really shitty frame of minds when we go through this.
Mods get that and proceed with the utmost respect and caution.
There is never a reason to treat anyone rudely here and our situations do not excuse such behavior.
I applaud their ability to balance the guidelines when there are so many varying emotions at play.
Thank you Mods.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
We have R'd
Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 31349
| Posted: 11:53 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I know that a lot of veteran members are aware of this, but DS and MH put up with a TON of abuse on the regular. DS is aware of how much the membership is hurting and she has patience and compassion for people that I don't think I could grow in ten lifetimes.
This website is a GIFT from DS and MH. Fees are optional, and every cent goes to running the website - and let me tell you this, they both pay more into this website than ANY fees or advertising could touch. EVERY SINGLE MONTH. For US.
You'll never hear about that from them because they do this out of love and not for thanks, but when I see people attacking them it hurts my heart because they don't see what really goes into this place.
Edited because sometimes I forget I'm staff.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:51 PM, April 21st (Monday)]
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 32046
| Posted: 11:55 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I saw a post from one of them this weekend reminding members to check up on the boards if they had a chance. On holiday weekends people sometimes do not have the time to visit SI and there was concern for the newbies and anyone else in pain being left without support. There were several members who responded that they would be around as much as possible.
What a wonderful group of people! Mods, Admins, Guides, and members who post in support of those in pain...I appreciate all you do and respect your dedication to help others through the hell of infidelity. You are truly the best group of people in the world!
edited to add: There is a special place in heaven for creators of this site, DS and MH. Two people who have taken a painful experience in their own lives and used it to help more people than can possibly be counted. Thank you for everything!
[This message edited by jadedheart at 11:59 AM, April 21st (Monday)]
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."
Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 21101
| Posted: 12:01 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I totally agree with Jaded
There is a special place in heaven for the Admin/Creators/Mods/Guides of this site.
Thank you for performing such a wonderful thankless job day in and out.
DS and MH you guys are awesome....
Anyone who is rude to you all, well they will feel Karma one day too.
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Posts: 13018 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 26928
| Posted: 12:11 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I could not agree more!
The Mods, Admin, and Guides here should be considered national treasures. Seriously.
They are not paid employees. The boatloads of time that they spend on this site are because they volunteer to do so.
Whenever I see posts of people snarking, yelling, or bitching at these good people it gets my back up QUICK!
Don't mess with our Mods (and Admin/Guides)!
Thanks for all you do. You ARE appreciated and loved.
Me - 45
DD(24), DS(21, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
Posts: 9947 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here and There
Member # 42092
| Posted: 12:21 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
Mods and Admin, thank you for everything, it is so deeply appreciated.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 28571
| Posted: 12:34 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I had the same issue that poster had. It was resolved without incident. Even if it hadn't been I don't understand why it would be brought out on the general forum.
5. PRIVATE MESSAGE FEATURE: Please do not publicly post Private Messages that you've received. Also, do not share your Private Messages with other members unless you've received permission from the original sender.
That's pretty simple.
I know that a lot of veteran members are aware of this, but DS and MH put up with a TON of abuse on the regular.
In my first month here I saw an post where a banned user actually used the phrase "lily-livered" in an angry email. I mean I have seen people called all kinds of shit on the Internet but it was like George Lucas scripted a troll monologue for that one. Epic jackassery.
[This message edited by StillGoing at 12:40 PM, April 21st (Monday)]
Posts: 7848 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 37776
| Posted: 2:34 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I have not had any issues that involved anyone from the admins on this site except for maybe a double post or something minor. I am sooo thankful for this "place" to turn to day or night. I don't post a whole lot but now that I think WH , not ready to change to FWH yet, & I are making progress in R I will try to post more often & pay it forward. A million thanks to all that put their time & energy in to this site, helped me get through many long sleepless nights. Many thanks
BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2015!
Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
Member # 30817
| Posted: 2:38 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I have found them quite helpful, supportive and forgiving
. *cough cough*
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Posts: 8011 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 37091
| Posted: 2:52 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
When I first became a MH I was so used to posting on stop signs and posting with them that I keep forgetting I couldn't anymore. The mods were EXTREMELY patient with me. Thanks guys!!
Posts: 3615 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 34755
| Posted: 4:32 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I had an issue with a now banned member. Both mods and admin contacted me to see if I was okay. When I told them about her vile pm to me they took care of it immediately.
Staff here is awesome.
BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34836
| Posted: 4:33 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I agree that it is a hard job being a Mod / Admin as I am the Administrator on a couple of other forums not infidelity related
However, I will say that I was banned from one of the forums shortly after I joined SI, and I do understand why I was banned although I was given no warning nor a second chance. My mind was gone....my emotions were out of control....it was beyond my perception to do such a simple thing as to read each of the different forums rules.
Good job to all of you though.....you are appreciated.
M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*
"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"
Posts: 386 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
Member # 32785
| Posted: 5:04 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I agree, they are incredible people who volunteer in an almost anonymous fashion to help others. This forum has saved many of us, including myself.
But! The member who posted the topic was dealt with by a moderator, I'm sure that further guidance has been provided to the member in the form of a private message since her post was locked.
Let's let the mods do their jobs and stay out of it. If the mods decide to let her stay we have no right to passive aggressively call her out in a public forum, remember that this is a place for those that are hurting, I bet most of us have hit out in an inappropriate manner at some stage during our healing.
We make our own fortunes and call them fate, and what better excuse to choose a path then to insist it's our destiny.
Posts: 610 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 31868
| Posted: 5:09 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I would also like to chime in with my gratitude for the owners of this site. It has been very valuable for our reconciliation. Thanks very much, MH and DS.
When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.
Posts: 247 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 33886
| Posted: 5:11 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
Let's let the mods do their jobs and stay out of it.
Hmm. Didn't see anyone on this thread trying to do a Mod's job or call other members out. (Which is a guideline violation and flag worthy) Just a group of people supporting and high giving the Mods. I'm sure if anyone in this thread was inappropriate, they would be handled accordingly.
Thanks Admins, Mods, and Guides. Y'all are awesome.
This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Posts: 7909 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 16024
| Posted: 5:48 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
Let's let the mods do their jobs and stay out of it.
As long as you're giving us props, keep it coming. Everyone else, stay out of it.
In all seriousness, I do this because I enjoy helping out at a site that meant so much in saving my marriage and aided in my (and H's) healing in such a huge way.
And I want to reiterate what some others have touched on. Members don't know what goes on behind the scenes. Things are always done for a reason and for the good of the site and its members. DS and MH deal with a lot of crap. Some of the emails they get are ridiculous and beyond rude. This is the stuff you don't see.
They invited us into their 'home', on their dime, years ago, and continue to do so. And they run the site with grace and generosity of spirit (not to mention countless hours of their day---every day).
So yeah...SI is awesome .
If you want to have a great marriage, you have to be humble enough to ask yourself, "What changes do I need to make?"
Posts: 55071 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 31240
| Posted: 6:00 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014|
I definitely don't intend to belittle the violation involved in publishing a private message, but if I had that sort of issue, I'd want exactly the sort of response that was published.
Personally, I'd also expect some glitches in getting the problem resolved....
I remain convinced that SI works because of good, workable guidelines and consistent but gentle enforcement. The staff have made my recovery a lot easier than it would have been without SI.
Musing ... I think every single staff member since I joined has written something that has helped me. And probably every one has written something that made me laugh, too.
fBH (me) - 70+, fWW, Married 45+, together 45+, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's all I know.
Posts: 16112 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
|Topic Posts: 26|