BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
I don't feel it was a low blow or that you were wrong, personally. You were talking about second chances and the possibility of redemption. Your FWH actually could take it as a compliment that you were using him as an example of those given second chances and using that chance to change and become a better person. The low blow is that the FWS's had the affair in the first place and it oftentimes is the first thing that pops into our heads even 4 fucking years later! Trigger. Like we want it to. Fuck that shit. (((Dallas2)))
I agree that we don't owe anyone second chances. However, I believe that giving others a second chance is what humans do for other human beings that we love, want to see succeed and/or have a relationship with. I will not give advice about how to give your son a second chance as that was not what this thread is about, but I will say you must have requirements and boundaries as you did with reconciliation.
eta: I don't and wouldn't say that BS's should be constantly throwing the affair in the WS's faces, especially years after. However, this is a big part of our marital history now. It changed most of our marriages in some very profound ways. We aren't the ones that brought this trauma into the marriage, they are the ones that placed in our timelines, just like the day we got married, the birth of our children, etc. etc. This isn't a simple little mistake a spouse makes in the marriage. This is a big trauma in our marriages/lives. To not ever mention it, even in a heated discussion, I feel is unreasonable.
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:28 PM, April 21st (Monday)]
d-day 3/10; LTA
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson