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5 year anniv of Dday is tomorrow

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BrokenWoman35 posted 4/21/2014 14:27 PM

Well it's been 5 years. The hardest five years of my life. I keep feeling anxious the last few days and I have figured out that is why. Funny thing is, DH has no clue what tomorrow is or why I am anxious. He thinks I should be "over it" to some degree by now. I am alone. No one to talk to about it other than my mother. I'm trying really hard to act like its another day but I feel like the more I try to NOT acknowledge it the more anxious I feel. I don't WANT to acknowledge it. I want it to be any other day. Just needed to vent and let it out.

jadedheart posted 4/21/2014 14:34 PM


Isn't it nice that some FWS can sleep at night without any thought of the whole load of crap that is infidelity and for many of us, the betrayed, it finds a way to slink into our minds and thoughts almost daily. I pray that you will find some peace and comfort soon and that you can join the ranks of BS's that have been able to move out of the darkness and into the light.

Rebreather posted 4/21/2014 14:40 PM

My 7 year antiversary was yesterday. And while I get how you just want it to not be a factor, it IS a factor. I think you do yourself and your relationship a disservice by not being authentic. Tell him why you are upset. Give him the opportunity to comfort you, and reassure you.

HardenMyHeart posted 4/21/2014 23:33 PM

Well it's been 5 years. The hardest five years of my life.

I know you just wanted to vent, but I just wanted to say congrats to your and your H on making it this far. That is a huge milestone and you deserve a lot of credit.

Good advice by Rebreather. Rebreather, congrats to you and your H as well for reaching the 7 year milestone.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:35 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

OnAnIsland posted 4/22/2014 01:35 AM

It is not just another day. Allow yourself to cry or write or scream or do what you need to do to process and feel the pain. I second Rebreather's advice- talk with your husband. Let him comfort you. And do something special to nurture yourself today. Thinking of you.

hpv50 posted 4/22/2014 03:29 AM

I can empathize; it's my dday, too, one year out.

I think others are right, that your WH should know, to have the opportunity to help you feel better. It's ok if you're not completely "over it," how can we ever be? The grenade he lobbed left a little shrapnel that still occasionally rears itself. You look down at your skin, finger the scar, and quietly wonder.

One year out,
Or even five,
Will I ever
Feel alive?

Loyaltoafault posted 4/23/2014 11:43 AM

My heart goes out to you. There was a recent post here about friends we lost who didnt want to hear us talk about the A anymore. I feel alone in this too. There is no time limit to heal, but I am working on building my own life so I can 180 successfully. I am tired of being the girl that this happened to, and want to release it. Good luck and love to you!

mamak posted 4/23/2014 18:20 PM

One thing that bothers me incessantly is WH's ability to proceed like nothing happened. His ego was never shattered, confidence higher than ever, never looses a wink of sleep.

Me....I have nightmares almost every night, Think about it at least every day. Two years out and I am still struggling to put myself back together.

Our dday was on the 21st. I was at work. I work in a postpartum unit in a hospital and watched all these happy couples welcome these amazing children in their lives. I watched dad's dote over their wives. Then I went home and looked at my husband who threw me under the bus for another woman. Yes he has worked hard to improve but on that day, all I felt was anger and couldn't talk to him about it because he tells me I need to fix myself and that he is doing everything he can. I just don't think he'll ever understand.

TICKED OFF posted 4/23/2014 18:34 PM

I am so sorry for you. I know only too well what that is like. Ten years out and to this day I still remember way to well that one day that I found out. To this very day I still go into my "mood" during late Jan and all of Feb. The sadness of it all does dimisnish to a point as the years go by, but those 6 weeks prior and that "one day" will be forever etched in my heart and my brain.

I hate to say this but dd (with me at least) will NEVER just be any other day, nor will those six weeks prior when h's a with our friend/neighbor was in full swing.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:36 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

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