However, I can NOT stop thinking about OW or the A. I think this is due in some part to my embarrassment and humiliation that she and her friends know (or at the least think they know) exactly how much or how little I meant to WH during their LTA.
Until I can reconcile this with myself I know I'm going to obsess about her, and I honestly don't know how to process this. Of course she knows he loved me enough to not leave for her - or perhaps she thinks he stayed for our children. I don't know which is the case.
I can't even post a picture of WH and I together on a social media sight, etc. for fear that she or someone in her circle are looking at it and laughing at me.
Does anyone else struggle with this? It's just one facet of my issues surrounding R, but it's the most recent one I'm dealing with. Hoping for advice or words of wisdom to help me process through this stage.
[This message edited by PositiveAttitude at 4:33 PM, April 21st (Monday)]
"Now I know that's contradiction, wants and needs in competition/But it's hard to stay on point with such extremes in opposition."
I also struggled with feeling like I wasn't good enough. I just had to keep reminding myself that they are not better than me. I have just as much right to be happy and be treated with respect as anyone.
Hold your head up.
The OW can "think" whatever she wants. It doesn't make it true. And she's not even half the woman you are.
I hope you enjoy this post by deathbybetrayal! It's awesome!
Together 8 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
Ultimately I know I'm not. She's declared I'm not. Our friends and family, people who matter, know I'm not. What I most have difficulty getting over is that she let herself believe it at all to begin with, though I know how and why now. And that she would disrespect me so much to conspire with others and engage in both actions and communication that proved it. That hurts so very bad.
The "They always affair down" thread has been very helpful for me, too. It doesn't totally get me past how disgusting it was that she chose unattractive, trashy, unintelligent and manipulative women to engage in judging and deceiving me, but it helps still.
My secret hope is that she's read as much as I have, and now knows that men/women in affairs can exaggerate if not outright lie about their partners to justify and sustain their affairs.
I just don't want a whole slew of people I don't know having a false disconnected affair-goggles view of who I am and how I care for my family and our home.
I haven't posted any pics of my fwh or any statuses that include him. Doubt I even will again. But my perspective on social media has changed dramatically as well. I really only use it as a means of chronicling the kids lives so our friends and family can stay up to date.
I think what bugs me most is not necessary what was or wasn't said about me, our home life, etc. but the fact that THEY knew and I didn't. I guess that is sort of implied in an affair but I hate that he trusted these nasty women with his secrets...but couldn't trust his wife enough to say "I'm broken and miserable and need help."
And given my most recent interaction with OW, I can tell you for a fact she hasn't reached any level of enlightenment, so I can't even imagine what her "truth" looks like right now.
Mostly, I don't care. I just hate that I was...left out?? Gosh that seems stupid when I write it!
And I hate other people knowing my business. But then I think, I've heard so many other people's business and it really didn't affect me so I have to hope the same is true in reverse.
D day 9/9/2013
DD (still born 2007) DS - 5 & DS - 3
Trying to Reconcile
I'm not trying to minimize how you feel, just trying to offer another perspective. Hang in there, in time it gets easier.