STBX has stated, repeatedly, that he does not wish to go to court (it's even in his papers) and has started to get VERY pushy with me to settle. He has texted me numerous times and has attempted to call me a few times. I do not answer his phone calls EVER and responded to the texts exactly 1 time - he said he wanted to talk to me about kids, finances, lawyers, bills and when would be a good time to call. I asked what exactly/specifically he wanted to talk about and that I would prefer a text (or any form of writing) to which his response was "NO, I prefer a phone call." This was about a week ago and my response since then has been nothing but *crickets*. I think he is/is going to try and bully/manipulate me as this is par the course. Hence the reason I maintain STRICT NC w/him. I simply do not feel strong enough to deal with him as he knows how to "play me like a fiddle".
I think he is getting seriously PISSED OFF at my NC as I have extremely limited contact for a couple of months now. There have been no emergencies, etc. w/kids so no need for any communication regarding that. DS17 graduates in May and STBX texted wondering what "we" were doing for open-house, etc. to which I simply responded I have made my own plans for date/time and he could feel free to plan his own. This made him ANGRY - I got several scathing texts including a few suggesting I at least invite his family, he'd pay for 1/2 and not come. I've IGNORED all of it. He even cornered my SIL outside a gas station last week and tried to "pump" her for info. about me, etc. (She basically told him, nicer than I'd have liked , to piss off)
So... basically what I'm wondering is if I should talk to him? Or find out what exactly he wants? I just am thinking I don't want to let him know how much I know about his finances or tip him off to exactly what my L and I are going to be asking for. But, won't he find out about this eventually anyway?? Any and all advice is welcome!!!
You've been clear on what you're doing.
This doesn't appear to involve your children's well being, the drove or finances.
So, let it be.
Who cares if he's steamed?
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
My L said if he decides to stop paying me any support (as there really is no court order to do so yet) that I should then just go down to our local social services office and apply for assistance (as I would have to to feed my kids) and then the state will go after him and that will NOT be fun for him ... Hopefully it won't come to this but I will NOT be bullied or manipulated by this POS anymore!!!
I really don't have any other advice right now to give you as I am just about to begin my journey down this road. My POS has also hidden income, so any advice you have to give, would be greatly appreciated! I have been copying many items and have already provided information to my attorney. But, if there is anything else, that would be great.
Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!
Don't let him manipulate you.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
So... a text asking what do you need? Or, yup I know, crickets, as I've already informed him to put it in writing.
You are in a game of chicken... That feeling you have anticipating his next mind F.... He has anxiety too! He is wondering if you'll have to go to court, and if you can prove what he makes, if he should lie about it and take his chances, or if he needs to fess up to it, which will really suck if he has been lying to his lawyer about it too....
He wants to talk to get a read on where you are coming from...and of course to push buttons etc. to manipulate you and do it in such a way that you can't prove what he says .... He wants to talk you out of going to court...
I let my L know that I fully expected to go to court - as X made it very clear by his offensive "offer" that I was better off with a judge deciding my financial future than depending on the X's sense of fairness. I told my L NOT to make any offer or counter offer whatsoever... And I went complete NC.
The X couldn't get a read on me...my emotions, my state of mind, nothing! I had become unpredictable, and it drove him a bit frantic, texting, emailing, pushing every button he'd ever installed.... Crickets...
At the last pre-trial meeting - the X blinked...walked in with an offer that he knew I'd be happy enough with -to avoid court, and the potential of exposing hidden income in court.
CRICKETS!!!!! TEXT and email only! Let him sweat it out. There is absolutely no benefit to you to talk to him.
He can huff and puff all he likes - you're in the brick house, lady. Don't you forget it.
You may be able to use all of his antics to your advantage later on so do try to see them as gifts.