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hopefulfourus (original poster member #25204) posted at 12:37 AM on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014
I just don't get why I am feeling so sad, for the loss of my M, the loss of the dream of growing old together, loss of our family unit ,etc. I just don't know.
Feelings aside, he is a JERK. Always thought of only himself, taking "his" vacations. Whenever I suggested we take a family trip, he always replied it was too expensive. Thinks only of himself, not his kids. Never is involved in their activities, never helps out, always is with his friends. He cheated and never really did feel remorseful about it. After a comment he made to my son (about how it was my son's fault for losing a sports tournament) It finally snapped with me, that I was DONE. I'm just waiting for the papers to be served.
I had a long talk with my FIL today which he initiated, he was very concerned about what was going on. He always said that I would be family no matter what and was sorry that his son hasn't straightened up, but that he never listens. My FIL said that he would always be there for me and my kids (as both of my parents are deceased). My FIL confirmed to me that POS is re-doing an upstairs apartment above the business that he runs (which I had a feeling about). No doubt, its for him.
Is this just an off-day?? I can't see us R, I just can't trust him. Did I have one too many glasses of wine?? Is this normal??
Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14
Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!
Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 12:40 AM on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014
Hugs, Hopeful. It is soooo normal. Of course you are sad, but when you know, you know. There will be off days, off hours, off minutes. They will come further and further apart, and be shorter in duration.
40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.
DepressedDaddy ( member #41521) posted at 12:51 AM on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014
One thing I am learning daily. You can have whatever feelings you want. Don't beat yourself up about someone who doesn't care. I can probably guarantee that he is not spending too much time worrying about you or thinking about y'all's lost future. This is the realization I am coming to. If I am spending hours a day thinking about my WW, and I know she is not reciprocating.
Stay strong.
Anxiety originates from thoughts and feelings about the future. Depression originates from thoughts and feelings about the past. If we can just remain in the present, we get a good balance of both and can just begin to move forward.
Just blaze your own path, regardless if he is along for your ride (I have to repeat this to myself daily...still struggling with it though).
Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it.
Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
courageous ( member #34477) posted at 1:02 AM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
((Hopefulfourus)). It's completely normal to feel sad. You are grieving the loss of your marriage and for what "could have been". It is like a family member dying. It takes time. Its also very normal to continue to ride the roller coaster of emotions for quite a while.
That's great of your FIL that he plans on staying in your life.
Me: BW (in my 40's) Him: ExWH EA/PA with MOW coworker(also married). He ended up marrying his mistress.
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