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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: damage control
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to say to a bunch of people that understand it...I'm tired of doing damage control. I'm tired of dealing with the shit that ex-shat says to Teslet.

I know he's ramping up ahead of court...but for god's sake, leave Teslet alone.

Ex-shat asked for him midweek visitation last week (first time in months). He asked for his mid week visitation tomorrow. I let Teslet know that dad was picking him up and Teslet starts saying all these things about how dad should be able to pick him up from preschool, how dad doesn't want him in daycare, how someone should let him know that Teslet is in daycare.

So, tonight Teslet learned how when mom and dad got divorced that a judge made rules for us to follow and if one of us is not happy with the rules that we are allowed to go give the judge good reasons why he should change the rules. Then the judge thinks about it and maybe he changes the rules and maybe he doesn't. I told Teslet that he can't change the rules because he's not the judge and neither is mom, so dad is talking to the wrong people about changing the rules.

I don't like having to tell him those things. I don't like having to clean up the emotional messes that ex-shat dumps all over my kid.
Fuck that guy for making Teslet feel like shit tonight.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4734 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ThisHell
♀ 37089
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tesla)))


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
IrishLass518
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTG!!! And F him for putting a baby in the middle. If exshat has an issue he should have the balls to take it to the court and not to his son who has no control nor a deciding factor. He should also have the balls to not degrade the mother of his child to his child. I really hope he lands in jail and becomes Big Bubbas girlfriend.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((tesla and teslet))))) God, I hate that guy.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26166 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very well handled mamma. I'll be using this logic on my girls.

How did Teslet respond to it?

My girls have begun asking pointy questions about my love life. He told them when I find a new husband I'll start a new family and I might not want to see them anymore.

I told them that will never happen. Ever. No matter what I'll always be their mum and we'll always be a family.

It caught me off guard though - it was really upsetting.

My big girl told me she didn't believe it - what would he know when I don't talk to him?

I guess when they get desperate they will stoop to mindfucking their kids.

FTG - fuck them all to hell. It sucks for our kids - I'll do damage control for the rest of my life but I'll always hate that I have to.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a total asshole! That is so wrong trying to manipulate a child like that poor teslet.

I know it sucks having to do damage control. You did an awesome job explaining it to teslet. I would have a hard time biting my tongue.

FTG!


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 659 | Registered: Jan 2012
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Tesla and Teslet))))))

You explained it very well.

It sucks having to explain the rules to the kid. Hopefully the kid explains the rules to the other parent. And they listen! After all it is an age appropriate explanation!

Tesla, your son is incredibly lucky he has you for a mom! Can you imagine how much garbage he would be believing if you weren't there to set him straight? He would be soooo f'd up.

I know it doesn't help, but have some more hugs (((((tesla))))).

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was crying. Super sad crying. He asked if I could ask the judge because he doesn't think his dad knows the judge (shit, he's not far off the mark there!). I told him the person that wants the rules changed has to be the one to ask the judge.
Teslet asked me to tell him the name of the judge so he can let his dad know!!

I asked him if he thought he was in trouble. He said no. I asked him if he was sad, he said yes. I was very adament with him that he is 5 and 5 year olds don't get to change the rules. Heck, mom is old and she doesn't even get to change these rules.

Another gem that I'm constantly dealing with is Teslet telling me that I'm going to get mad at him and kick him out of the house.
Nope, sorry buddy, I'm your mom and you are stuck with me *for*ever*
SBB, that's fucked up what the sad clown tells your girls. Time is too precious to spend on this bullshit.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4734 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((tesla))))

Super answer. Great job mama bear.

Poor Teslet.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5906 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tesla))

you are so awesome. good job.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8489 | Registered: Apr 2008
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tesla))

you are so awesome. good job.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8489 | Registered: Apr 2008
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTG for real. You did a great job answering him though. That's a great explanation to a child on how divorce works. Bravo!


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 959 | Registered: Mar 2013
Pentup
♀ 20563
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, now I am picturing your ex with Nature Girls falling off the earth. FTG with a 2x4


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6665 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's time for some ass-whooping, Chuck Norris style. I'm really upset at what I'm reading on this thread from ex-shat and SBB's loser.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10014 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was crying. Super sad crying.

Oh hun. I wondered. Asshat has made it teslets problem to solve. Sack of shit.

My big girl does too even if I get the explaining part 'right'. It is such a mindfuck for them. They feel responsible because their POS piss poor excuse for fathers are MAKING them feel responsible.

He'll send messages through them ordering me to do things - I don't do it and they pay for it. No matter how much I tell them it isn't their responsibility and that he needs to talk to me it doesn't change the fact that they have to deal with the fallout with him.

Kids have a particular gift of blaming themselves for everything even when reassured that it is not their fault. I feel like I have no chance in combatting this.

I have so many other examples. My sweet, gentle, sensitive 6 year old already frets about whatever perceived transgression she may have inadvertently made. Shame led parenting is bad enough, just awful - but this other stuff is deliberately damaging.

I'm free but they aren't and I hate it. I still feel guilt about it. Just got to keep modelling good behaviour for them and help them navigate this abuse.

That is the crux of it - we can't stop them having to eat shards of glass so what I feel like I'm doing is trying to show them how to do it without bleeding too much. It makes me feel dirty like I'm a party to it. I can't even expend energy on dealing with my own feelings lest it distract me from the task. The hurt and anger just bubble away.

This has to be what hell is like.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTG.

Heartbroken for Teslet. (((tesla)))


"Sometimes people are mean, and sometimes things will be hard. One of your jobs is to try and make sure that that never makes you mean and hard, too." Cord Jefferson's Mom

Posts: 18297 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tesla and teslet))


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7816 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, tonight Teslet learned how when mom and dad got divorced that a judge made rules for us to follow and if one of us is not happy with the rules that we are allowed to go give the judge good reasons why he should change the rules. Then the judge thinks about it and maybe he changes the rules and maybe he doesn't. I told Teslet that he can't change the rules because he's not the judge and neither is mom, so dad is talking to the wrong people about changing the rules.

Tesla, This was brilliant! Excellent explanation that is age appropriate that he can understand. Sorry he started crying and got upset but I hope he realizes that he has Daddy time and he has Mommy time and they are separate.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3467 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((teslet)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
neverdidithink
♀ 40568
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tesla, I just erased a really long response to your post.

As both a child who was in Teslet's position AND as a parent whose children were put in that position, I can tell you without a doubt that your response to Teslet was perfect.

It's tough to watch and even tougher to watch with your mouth closed, but the "When he gets older he'll know the truth without you ever telling him" is dead-on accurate.

Stay strong, you're doing an incredible job.

Edited: spelling

[This message edited by neverdidithink at 3:53 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 344 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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