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tesla posted 4/21/2014 21:38 PM

I just want to say to a bunch of people that understand it...I'm tired of doing damage control. I'm tired of dealing with the shit that ex-shat says to Teslet.

I know he's ramping up ahead of court...but for god's sake, leave Teslet alone.

Ex-shat asked for him midweek visitation last week (first time in months). He asked for his mid week visitation tomorrow. I let Teslet know that dad was picking him up and Teslet starts saying all these things about how dad should be able to pick him up from preschool, how dad doesn't want him in daycare, how someone should let him know that Teslet is in daycare.

So, tonight Teslet learned how when mom and dad got divorced that a judge made rules for us to follow and if one of us is not happy with the rules that we are allowed to go give the judge good reasons why he should change the rules. Then the judge thinks about it and maybe he changes the rules and maybe he doesn't. I told Teslet that he can't change the rules because he's not the judge and neither is mom, so dad is talking to the wrong people about changing the rules.

I don't like having to tell him those things. I don't like having to clean up the emotional messes that ex-shat dumps all over my kid.
Fuck that guy for making Teslet feel like shit tonight.

ThisHell posted 4/21/2014 21:40 PM

(((Tesla)))

IrishLass518 posted 4/21/2014 21:43 PM

FTG!!! And F him for putting a baby in the middle. If exshat has an issue he should have the balls to take it to the court and not to his son who has no control nor a deciding factor. He should also have the balls to not degrade the mother of his child to his child. I really hope he lands in jail and becomes Big Bubbas girlfriend.

nowiknow23 posted 4/21/2014 21:43 PM

(((((tesla and teslet))))) God, I hate that guy.

SBB posted 4/21/2014 21:49 PM

Very well handled mamma. I'll be using this logic on my girls.

How did Teslet respond to it?

My girls have begun asking pointy questions about my love life. He told them when I find a new husband I'll start a new family and I might not want to see them anymore.

I told them that will never happen. Ever. No matter what I'll always be their mum and we'll always be a family.

It caught me off guard though - it was really upsetting.

My big girl told me she didn't believe it - what would he know when I don't talk to him?

I guess when they get desperate they will stoop to mindfucking their kids.

FTG - fuck them all to hell. It sucks for our kids - I'll do damage control for the rest of my life but I'll always hate that I have to.

courageous posted 4/21/2014 21:50 PM

What a total asshole! That is so wrong trying to manipulate a child like that poor teslet.

I know it sucks having to do damage control. You did an awesome job explaining it to teslet. I would have a hard time biting my tongue.

FTG!

Kajem posted 4/21/2014 21:57 PM

((((((Tesla and Teslet))))))

You explained it very well.

It sucks having to explain the rules to the kid. Hopefully the kid explains the rules to the other parent. And they listen! After all it is an age appropriate explanation!

Tesla, your son is incredibly lucky he has you for a mom! Can you imagine how much garbage he would be believing if you weren't there to set him straight? He would be soooo f'd up.

I know it doesn't help, but have some more hugs (((((tesla))))).

K

tesla posted 4/21/2014 22:12 PM

He was crying. Super sad crying. He asked if I could ask the judge because he doesn't think his dad knows the judge (shit, he's not far off the mark there!). I told him the person that wants the rules changed has to be the one to ask the judge.
Teslet asked me to tell him the name of the judge so he can let his dad know!!

I asked him if he thought he was in trouble. He said no. I asked him if he was sad, he said yes. I was very adament with him that he is 5 and 5 year olds don't get to change the rules. Heck, mom is old and she doesn't even get to change these rules.

Another gem that I'm constantly dealing with is Teslet telling me that I'm going to get mad at him and kick him out of the house.
Nope, sorry buddy, I'm your mom and you are stuck with me *for*ever*
SBB, that's fucked up what the sad clown tells your girls. Time is too precious to spend on this bullshit.

caregiver9000 posted 4/21/2014 22:41 PM

((((tesla))))

Super answer. Great job mama bear.

Poor Teslet.

hexed posted 4/21/2014 22:45 PM

((tesla))

you are so awesome. good job.

hexed posted 4/21/2014 22:45 PM

((tesla))

you are so awesome. good job.

newlysingle posted 4/21/2014 22:58 PM

FTG for real. You did a great job answering him though. That's a great explanation to a child on how divorce works. Bravo!

Pentup posted 4/21/2014 23:59 PM

Ok, now I am picturing your ex with Nature Girls falling off the earth. FTG with a 2x4

Nature_Girl posted 4/22/2014 00:21 AM

It's time for some ass-whooping, Chuck Norris style. I'm really upset at what I'm reading on this thread from ex-shat and SBB's loser.

SBB posted 4/22/2014 00:56 AM

He was crying. Super sad crying.

Oh hun. I wondered. Asshat has made it teslets problem to solve. Sack of shit.

My big girl does too even if I get the explaining part 'right'. It is such a mindfuck for them. They feel responsible because their POS piss poor excuse for fathers are MAKING them feel responsible.

He'll send messages through them ordering me to do things - I don't do it and they pay for it. No matter how much I tell them it isn't their responsibility and that he needs to talk to me it doesn't change the fact that they have to deal with the fallout with him.

Kids have a particular gift of blaming themselves for everything even when reassured that it is not their fault. I feel like I have no chance in combatting this.

I have so many other examples. My sweet, gentle, sensitive 6 year old already frets about whatever perceived transgression she may have inadvertently made. Shame led parenting is bad enough, just awful - but this other stuff is deliberately damaging.

I'm free but they aren't and I hate it. I still feel guilt about it. Just got to keep modelling good behaviour for them and help them navigate this abuse.

That is the crux of it - we can't stop them having to eat shards of glass so what I feel like I'm doing is trying to show them how to do it without bleeding too much. It makes me feel dirty like I'm a party to it. I can't even expend energy on dealing with my own feelings lest it distract me from the task. The hurt and anger just bubble away.

This has to be what hell is like.

Jrazz posted 4/22/2014 03:01 AM

FTG.

Heartbroken for Teslet. (((tesla)))

Williesmom posted 4/22/2014 07:29 AM

((tesla and teslet))

gahurts posted 4/22/2014 07:53 AM

So, tonight Teslet learned how when mom and dad got divorced that a judge made rules for us to follow and if one of us is not happy with the rules that we are allowed to go give the judge good reasons why he should change the rules. Then the judge thinks about it and maybe he changes the rules and maybe he doesn't. I told Teslet that he can't change the rules because he's not the judge and neither is mom, so dad is talking to the wrong people about changing the rules.

Tesla, This was brilliant! Excellent explanation that is age appropriate that he can understand. Sorry he started crying and got upset but I hope he realizes that he has Daddy time and he has Mommy time and they are separate.

norabird posted 4/22/2014 11:20 AM

(((teslet)))

neverdidithink posted 4/22/2014 15:52 PM

Tesla, I just erased a really long response to your post.

As both a child who was in Teslet's position AND as a parent whose children were put in that position, I can tell you without a doubt that your response to Teslet was perfect.

It's tough to watch and even tougher to watch with your mouth closed, but the "When he gets older he'll know the truth without you ever telling him" is dead-on accurate.

Stay strong, you're doing an incredible job.

Edited: spelling

[This message edited by neverdidithink at 3:53 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]

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