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trigger i am insane

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madnessinmarch posted 4/21/2014 22:18 PM

This will sound crazy, my bf and I are going into our second year of r. For the most part my bf is/has been remorseful. Last night in the middle of the night he reached out kissed my head and said I love you, what next... middle of the night I am thinking how sweet, get up this morning not thinking sweet he did not remember it, it is not like him to talk in his sleep so my mind fast forward, Is he thinking about the pos or has he been in contact with her, I sent him an email voicing my concerns was able to intercept it
I truly think I am going mad. I am the one who found the love notes and the day I found them he stopped seeing her sexually after a year no closure just tested her told her I knew that was that I want to believe and hope I am truly going crazy I need some "words"

Skan posted 4/22/2014 16:06 PM

What strikes me utmost, is your use of the sentence

For the most part my bf is/has been remorseful.

If your WBF hasn't been all on board and completely remorseful, I think that I would be having very conflicting and contradictory thoughts as well, especially since "I can't remember" is such a trigger to all of us, when the Waywards use it as a delaying or denying tactic.

How about talking to him about it tonight? Letting him know about your trigger and seeking empathy?

madnessinmarch posted 4/22/2014 22:35 PM

Thank you I did reach out to my ic and she said the same thing however, she did say I need to believe what he tells me and perhaps I sounded like he is partially into the r he has been actively working on us it is me because of what he has done really can I call him out on a dream so fucked up still wishing I am dreaming and hoping to wake up and not remember the nightmare

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