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BeyondBreaking posted 4/21/2014 22:35 PM

8 years ago today, my son died.

My husband forgot, apparently, or maybe he didn't forget that this is a really rough day for me- he said nothing.

He's mad at me because my daughter is clingy on me, wants me to put her to bed and hang out with her and won't let him. He feels like she doesn't like him- instead of understanding that she is five and he isn't her dad and these things take time.

He's mad because his grandma called yesterday and was mad at his mom (whole family is dysfunctional) and lectured him about how he needs to take better care of himself or he might have a heart attack.

He's drunk, and went to bed early, without saying word one to me about remembering today.

It's just as well.

I'm so mad at him, and disappointed and I just hate him so much right now. I am so mad at me. We had the shortest wedding ceremony EVER and all I can think is that was eight minutes that I can never take back. Now I'm stuck, I can't afford a divorce, and I have nowhere to go.

Vent over.

damnUnicorns posted 4/21/2014 22:39 PM

(((Hugs))). Sounds like you need them.
I'm sorry about your son, I simply can't imagine.
I'm also sorry your H is inconsiderate. What an ass.

kiki1 posted 4/21/2014 22:49 PM


I'm so sorry.

Sorry for the loss of your son and the ass you cant get away from.


courageous posted 4/21/2014 22:53 PM

((Beyondbreaking)). I'm sorry for your loss.


Ostrich80 posted 4/22/2014 00:11 AM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and I'm sorry your ws can't find the slightest bit of compassion and kindness for you on this day. I hate him too and I don't even know him.

Hope2B posted 4/22/2014 02:06 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss. Eight years ago can still feel like yesterday. To have your husband ignore this day is heartbreaking on a very deep level.

From what I read, and I could be wrong, your husband sounds like a petulant, self-centered child.

Are you really stuck, without options, without hope? Were you stuck before you married him in the shortest ever 8 minute ceremony? Do you have absolutely NO options, no family or friend or church-community support??

Sometimes, there might be a glimmer of light for a different future if you can take a look at a bigger picture of "making this decision and following through with it (whatever that excision is)super difficult if I do this, but a light at the end of the tunnel as time passes."

I just have to comment here, and please, I mean no offense, but the quote you use in your tag line, of "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is something that I've never accepted. This is my opinion only and I wanted to share it with you. It was the Hollywood-ized catch phrase used and heard round the country, and bothered me even then.

We make mistakes, we are sorry for them, we don't go on our merry way figuring our loved one *just knows* we're sorry and we get a free pass on saying 'I'm sorry.'

A heartfelt apology IS something that needs to be spoken or written, and it shows regret and remorse, even if that is on a small level like your husband accidentally stepping on your toes. In terms of infidelity, having a person not even bother to apologize because of "Love means...." would rankle me good and proper!

Take care of yourself ! You are not alone.

Skan posted 4/22/2014 14:15 PM

(((hugs))) I'm glad that you came here to talk/vent. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your son. (((more hugs)))

GoodFaith posted 4/22/2014 14:19 PM


Sorry for your loss!

BeyondBreaking posted 4/22/2014 16:47 PM

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I am feeling much better today- not because of him but because of me.

He still has no idea he did anything wrong, or missed anything. I am SO TIRED of his "I don't remember stuff" bullsh*t. He can't remember my birthday, DD's birthday or the day my son died. He can't remember details about who he cheated on me with. And yet he remembers his ex girlfriend's middle name from 6 years ago. Convenient, selective memory.

I thought about saying something to him today- but I'm leaning more towards feeling like what is the point- all he is going to do is get defensive, blame me somehow, and forget again next year. My birthday is on Friday, and I'm pretty sure he has no idea about that either- at least I have no expectations about that one.

Before we got married (ok, before we lived together). DD and I lived with my parents. Who have since, moved and no longer have room for us to live with them. I don't make enough to support her and I and most of my friends live out of state- where I can't move without permission from DD's dad, which he won't give me. So for now I'm staying put, and saving up money little by little so that someday I can afford a divorce, and to have a life afterwards. But it will be a while. In the meantime, I guess I need to guard myself better.

krispy47 posted 4/22/2014 16:54 PM

((BB)) I lost a son too, 18 years ago this June. I am so sorry for both your loss and the failure of your WH to acknowledge your pain. That seems almost more unforgivable than his infidelity.

Thinking of you...

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