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newlysingle posted 4/21/2014 22:54 PM

So I've been awesome at NC with the Gnat for ages now. We only speak through texts, email and a brief convo about pick up times, etc. during drop off/pick up.

So I emailed him about a month ago inquiring about me going to see my family for 5 weeks this summer. Now, I've gone home every summer for an extended length of time every summer for the past 8 years or so. It's never been an issue. I got a response asking for dates. I said that I hadn't bought my tickets yet, but gave him approx. travel dates. No response.

So I texted again today, asking if he'd had a chance to look at the dates and see if that worked for him. He responds "we will need to discuss this further at a later time". WTF? No, we don't. I've already waited a month. So, I texted him again, that I'm tired of his usual PA bullshit and that I need a response so I can make plans with my family.

He then starts to talk about how 5 weeks from his kids is just way too long and he really doesn't think he can handle that. Really, asshole? He just returned from yet another European "work" trip which was over 3 weeks long. I would guess about 5 days of that trip were work related, the rest was personal time with Hello Kitty whore. This is about the fourth time since last summer that he has taken a "work" trip with Hello Kitty of that length. While gone, he has never, not even once checked in with his kids. Never calls them, never sends emails to check on their well being. Nothing. That is no issue for him at all, however 5 weeks away from them will be heartbreaking. Someone please break out the violin.

I fucking lost it. It has been so long since I felt a rage like that. I called him. Yep, I called him and tore him a new asshole. I told him that I was sick and tired of his fake superdad bullshit. That I was going to find a way to go home this summer whether he liked it or not. I was on a rampage. Basically, told him he was a shit father and the kids would be better off without him, etc.

Well, long story short, he agreed with me. He admits he's not the best father, but he's "trying" and I should give him credit for that. Whatever, asshole. In the end, he agreed to give me my five weeks and even put it in writing. His only request was that I allow him to come up one of the weekends to see them. I told him that I'm not crazy about that idea at all, but that we could discuss that once I have my travel dates set.

Ugh, I got my way in the end, but I know I was in the wrong. I've been so good about not letting him get under my skin and he just pushed me over the edge today. I'm so tired of his victim bullshit. A friend posted on FB the other day a meme that said "you're so good at playing the victim, I'm surprised you don't carry around your own body chalk". I thought of the Gnat immediately.

Back to NC.

nekorb posted 4/21/2014 23:06 PM

you're so good at playing the victim, I'm surprised you don't carry around your own body chalk

You know, I don't think it's the end of the world that you lost it on him. No one is perfect. Right? Back to NC. I'm glad you got your vacation time.

(((Hugs)))

h0peless posted 4/21/2014 23:24 PM

I don't have the stress of having kids with my ex but I think sometimes there are things that need to be said. I imagine it wasn't nearly as cathartic as it seems like it would be in my head, though.

IrishLass518 posted 4/22/2014 00:22 AM

Now back to our regularly scheduled NC after that brief

I'm tired of his usual PA bullshit

Nature_Girl posted 4/22/2014 00:31 AM

I kinda like it when you lose your shit. Sounds like it was time to take a dump, anyway.

SBB posted 4/22/2014 01:03 AM

In all honesty if ego kibbles got me the result I was after I would break NC.

Just be careful that he doesn't start demanding a performance over every little thing.

Were you within your legal rights to the 5w? If so you've just saved yourself some legal fees.

In my situation this would only fuel the fire and he is just itching to drag me through the courts again.

You gambled and it paid off. I call it a win. Back on the wagon. Nothing to see here.

AppleBlossom posted 4/22/2014 01:42 AM

Hey, I lost my shit at the ex for the first time in about two years yesterday. It felt so good and I got a result, but yes, time to go back to radio silence.

Chrysalis123 posted 4/22/2014 07:55 AM

but I know I was in the wrong.

Why in the world were you in the wrong? You stood up to a selfish bully, who was not interested in his children at all....just poor little him. I think he was testing you to see if he could manipulate you and "punish" you by taking away your trip.

Now, back to our regular scheduled programming....Channel NC.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:10 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]

gahurts posted 4/22/2014 08:18 AM

^^^^ THIS! Sometimes losing your shit IS the right response. I think this is one of those times.

newlysingle posted 4/22/2014 15:54 PM

Thank you, everyone. I guess I was beating myself up because I felt like u should have had more self control and not let him have that power over me. I really don't feel bad about what I said though. It was mean, but the truth. At least I got what I wanted out of him. Ugh, only 16.5 years of this co-parenting biz to go.