Blaster, thank you for your military service, and I hope you've had professional counseling for PTSD. Hopefully your therapist is telling you escapism isn't uncommon in PTSD sufferers. Even though it's not uncommon, your BW is deeply hurt all the same.
She feels it was all a lie. I don't feel it was.
Repentant wayward lesson number one: always validate your BS's feelings. Can you see how, based upon the evidence, she thinks your M was all a lie? You don't have to agree, but if you can drop your defenses and say, "Yes, I've been lying to you for our entire M. You're the only woman I've ever loved, and I hurt you, and I'm so sorry."
The worst thing you can say, when she says your M has all been a lie, is, "No, I don't feel it was."
Do you see what I'm getting at here? I'm not saying your feelings are irrelevant, because they're not. And I get how hard it is, to hear things like that from our BS. A natural human reaction, when we feel attacked or called out, is to defend ourselves. Catch yourself when you feel defensive, take a breath, and try to see it from her side.
You're in for a very rough go. Wayward lesson number two: if your wife chooses to reconcile, expect her to feel very hurt, sad, and angry for two years. Or more.