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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: How to look forward instead of backwards?
♀ 42975
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to R with WH. I love him and we were happy for 19 years before this. He is doing everything to try to help me heal but I can't stop focusing and obsessing about what he did. About their conversations, the sec between them, the times they laughed, declared their love for each other etc

I want to stop focusing on that and work out how to ease the pain I feel but I really don't know how to donut. I would love any advice please

DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

married 19 and 7 kids

He has now decided he can't do it anymore and left

Posts: 366 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
♀ 30143
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, you're less than three weeks from finding out your husband had an EA/PA. You have to go through this. There aren't any shortcuts. It takes 2-5 YEARS to heal from infidelity and rebuild a marriage.

Be patient with yourself. Obsessing is processing, and you have to process what happened.

I was still in shock at three weeks out. Heck, I will still in shock three months out.

IMO, it's too early to realistically place limits on yourself but... You might limit the time you think about it to a certain time of day. I wasn't able to do that for a couple of years for the most part but others are able to do so earlier, I think.

Really, let this happen. It hurts terribly and it will continue to hurt terribly for a long time but it will get better. What may help the most is processing it WITH your husband. If he is truly remorseful, he will be willing to help you with this.

Good luck!

Me (BW) (58), Him(SAWH) (61)
Married 24 years, 1 son (22), 1 stepdaughter (30)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1776 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 2

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