However, other details keep coming out of the woodwork. Yesterday I found out that he had erased a years worth of emails from a female friend while I was away on vacation just after my first DDay. He says there was no affair with this woman, but he did complain about me to her, and didn't want me to see the details of what he said because he thought it would hurt me.
I'm inclined to believe that there was no affair with this woman, but I take nothing on faith anymore. I've asked him to get the deleted emails from his friend so that I can confirm his story. But I am so mad about his failure to tell me about this sooner.
Why do WS's do this? I am so angry. I had asked him over and over again if there was anything he hadn't told me about what happened before or after the affairs. I told him it was better to tell me everything now than to lie about it and have me find out later. I'd repeated this countless times, and he still lied. It makes no sense to me.
My SO's position has always been that he wants to reconcile. He went NC with both affair partners immediately upon my finding out. He's been very good about some things, but the TT makes me crazed. I've also said to him before it's completely counter-productive: if you want to reconcile, you need to tell me the truth, not lie to me about details. I am less likely to choose reconciliation if you continue to lie. He's shooting himself in the foot.
Ugh. Sorry for the vent but I find it so frustrating. I'd really love to hear how other BS's have dealt with TT. I am not dealing with it gracefully at all. Even better, I'd love to hear from a WS who found themselves doing this, and what they figured out was behind it.
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 9:58 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]
I have to verify there was no affair between my SO and his friend, now that I know he erased a year's worth of their emails. I'm not prepared to just let that go, but whether I can stop at that point is an open question.
I sometimes find myself at the point now where I think I've got what I need, where I feel it would be better to stop, but other times I have questions I want answered - usually asking for clarification in respect of something he's already said that's troubling me. It's tough, but since I'm just two months from Dday, I'm trying to give myself a little leeway. At some point, I know it will be healthier to stop.