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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: unwanted crushes
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unwanted crushes (that is to say, me developing feelings for someone else unexpectedly that I don't want) are annoying. That is all.

Yeah.. I know how to deal with it. Back off. Sigh.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 846 | Registered: Nov 2012
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naw....crushes are life's way of telling you that you're still alive inside!


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
IWantDoOver
39440
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you label it "unwanted"?

Is the woman spoken for?


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
mixedemotions
♀ 35810
Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ I was wondering the same thing. Care to share? Are you just not wanting to have feelings for anyone at this point? Or specifically this person?

If you just want to be heard, then...heard.

I'd argue that backing off might not do too much good though. I'm a huge proponent for examining the whys and hows and then making peace with them, because I think trying to avoid noisy thoughts/feelings only makes them yell at us even louder.


Me: Former BW, 28
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are a sign that some part of you is healing. But also if they are unwanted because you're not ready or the other person is in a relationship it is time to back off and get perspective.

You're not alone.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to explain why it's unwanted. The person in question could be good on a friends level (and really she's a great influence--positive, relentlessly cheerful, complements my personality well, good to talk to) but I don't feel I'm at a good point for a relationship yet so I don't want to pursue one. Also she's planning on moving a couple states over soon.

Not to be negative. I've got a lot of interesting things going on. (like I've found to my surprise that it's not hard for me to get job interviews...)

It does make me feel like I'm still alive inside to be able to feel good about being around someone, but man, that can be playing with fire sometimes. :)


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 846 | Registered: Nov 2012
ISPIFFD
♀ 26367
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have an embarrassing tendency to be drawn to men who are at least 10 years younger than I am and at least half a foot shorter than I am. In fact, I'm probably just going to get a t-shirt that says, "If I were just 10 years younger and 6" shorter, you'd be in so much trouble" to wear almost everywhere I go...

I don't think of myself as a cradle robber, and I'd never in a million years act on these feelings. I just notice that that's what seems to catch my eye. Another reason I fully expect to be alone the rest of my life - LOL!


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1886 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
mof2
♀ 40287
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naw....crushes are life's way of telling you that you're still alive inside!

What Sean said....love it.

I've actually developed feelings for someone as well and I actually like it. It scares me I think mainly because of the horrible rejection I endured, but I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd argue that backing off might not do too much good though. I'm a huge proponent for examining the whys and hows and then making peace with them, because I think trying to avoid noisy thoughts/feelings only makes them yell at us even louder.

Ditto what mixed said. I have had some unwanted crushes in the past (post-D, to be clear), and after giving it some thought, I think that my crushes were the result of both being on my own (it takes the edge off of loneliness) and admiring men I know who appear to be the opposite of my ex-- kind, involved with their kids, decent, and, well, handsome.

I was projecting what I would like some day onto my crushes. Hopefully, I am taking a step in the right and healthy direction by identifying what I'd like in a man so that I don't make the same mistake twice.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3642 | Registered: Oct 2011
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naw....crushes are life's way of telling you that you're still alive inside!
^^^This is truth. The problem is when you have been dead inside for so long and it starts again it can be overwhelming. This has been happening to me more lately. I'm ready to date but I have no interest in a relationship so yeah it kind of sucks when you hang out with someone and actually find yourself enjoying it but don't want to go overboard. Yes, I tell people up front that I am not interested in a relationship right now after being married for 10 years. I feel like i'm in frickin' middle school again and i'm to old for that shit.

Past history has shown that I act on these feelings to soon and end up in relationships with the WRONG people so yeah hooray for realiziations but that means I take shit super slow from now on.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:58 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1923 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have an embarrassing tendency to be drawn to men who are at least 10 years younger than I am and at least half a foot shorter than I am.

Why is this embarrassing? Is there some law that says only tall men can be charming and have women?...really? I'm a firm believer that God created everyone differently for a reason and that people attract in different ways. This is your way and it's a turn on for you. Short guys need lovin too ya know!

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 10:13 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I swear I'm backing off now. Really.

Sigh. Harder to do with all this job stress. I have TWO interviews tomorrow. One is 2.5 hours and the other one is up to 4 hours.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 846 | Registered: Nov 2012
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interview mojo to you!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted details about the interviews on my job thread.

And thanks!

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 6:47 PM, April 25th (Friday)]


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 846 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 14

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