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unwanted crushes

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ProbableIceCream posted 4/22/2014 10:28 AM

Unwanted crushes (that is to say, me developing feelings for someone else unexpectedly that I don't want) are annoying. That is all.

Yeah.. I know how to deal with it. Back off. Sigh.

SeanFLA posted 4/22/2014 10:50 AM

Naw....crushes are life's way of telling you that you're still alive inside!

IWantDoOver posted 4/22/2014 16:01 PM

Why do you label it "unwanted"?

Is the woman spoken for?

mixedemotions posted 4/22/2014 16:11 PM

^^^ I was wondering the same thing. Care to share? Are you just not wanting to have feelings for anyone at this point? Or specifically this person?

If you just want to be heard, then...heard.

I'd argue that backing off might not do too much good though. I'm a huge proponent for examining the whys and hows and then making peace with them, because I think trying to avoid noisy thoughts/feelings only makes them yell at us even louder.

Kajem posted 4/22/2014 16:11 PM

They are a sign that some part of you is healing. But also if they are unwanted because you're not ready or the other person is in a relationship it is time to back off and get perspective.

You're not alone.

K

ProbableIceCream posted 4/23/2014 08:22 AM

It's hard to explain why it's unwanted. The person in question could be good on a friends level (and really she's a great influence--positive, relentlessly cheerful, complements my personality well, good to talk to) but I don't feel I'm at a good point for a relationship yet so I don't want to pursue one. Also she's planning on moving a couple states over soon.

Not to be negative. I've got a lot of interesting things going on. (like I've found to my surprise that it's not hard for me to get job interviews...)

It does make me feel like I'm still alive inside to be able to feel good about being around someone, but man, that can be playing with fire sometimes. :)

ISPIFFD posted 4/23/2014 11:14 AM

I have an embarrassing tendency to be drawn to men who are at least 10 years younger than I am and at least half a foot shorter than I am. In fact, I'm probably just going to get a t-shirt that says, "If I were just 10 years younger and 6" shorter, you'd be in so much trouble" to wear almost everywhere I go...

I don't think of myself as a cradle robber, and I'd never in a million years act on these feelings. I just notice that that's what seems to catch my eye. Another reason I fully expect to be alone the rest of my life - LOL!

mof2 posted 4/23/2014 11:53 AM

Naw....crushes are life's way of telling you that you're still alive inside!

What Sean said....love it.

I've actually developed feelings for someone as well and I actually like it. It scares me I think mainly because of the horrible rejection I endured, but I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens.

tryingagain74 posted 4/23/2014 14:27 PM

I'd argue that backing off might not do too much good though. I'm a huge proponent for examining the whys and hows and then making peace with them, because I think trying to avoid noisy thoughts/feelings only makes them yell at us even louder.

Ditto what mixed said. I have had some unwanted crushes in the past (post-D, to be clear), and after giving it some thought, I think that my crushes were the result of both being on my own (it takes the edge off of loneliness) and admiring men I know who appear to be the opposite of my ex-- kind, involved with their kids, decent, and, well, handsome.

I was projecting what I would like some day onto my crushes. Hopefully, I am taking a step in the right and healthy direction by identifying what I'd like in a man so that I don't make the same mistake twice.

7yrsflushed posted 4/24/2014 07:57 AM

Naw....crushes are life's way of telling you that you're still alive inside!
^^^This is truth. The problem is when you have been dead inside for so long and it starts again it can be overwhelming. This has been happening to me more lately. I'm ready to date but I have no interest in a relationship so yeah it kind of sucks when you hang out with someone and actually find yourself enjoying it but don't want to go overboard. Yes, I tell people up front that I am not interested in a relationship right now after being married for 10 years. I feel like i'm in frickin' middle school again and i'm to old for that shit.

Past history has shown that I act on these feelings to soon and end up in relationships with the WRONG people so yeah hooray for realiziations but that means I take shit super slow from now on.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:58 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]

SeanFLA posted 4/24/2014 10:13 AM

I have an embarrassing tendency to be drawn to men who are at least 10 years younger than I am and at least half a foot shorter than I am.

Why is this embarrassing? Is there some law that says only tall men can be charming and have women?...really? I'm a firm believer that God created everyone differently for a reason and that people attract in different ways. This is your way and it's a turn on for you. Short guys need lovin too ya know!

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 10:13 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]

ProbableIceCream posted 4/24/2014 21:46 PM

OK, I swear I'm backing off now. Really.

Sigh. Harder to do with all this job stress. I have TWO interviews tomorrow. One is 2.5 hours and the other one is up to 4 hours.

norabird posted 4/24/2014 21:49 PM

Interview mojo to you!

ProbableIceCream posted 4/25/2014 18:47 PM

I posted details about the interviews on my job thread.

And thanks!

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 6:47 PM, April 25th (Friday)]

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