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So I'm seeing a nice guy

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nutmegkitty posted 4/22/2014 12:08 PM

And he treats me well. And calls me. He gave me a foot rub a few weekends ago and was astounded when I told him it was the first one I'd ever had (outside of a pedicure).
When I go to his house he has wine and candles out. He LIKES candles. We talk a lot, about lots of things.
He's a little older than I am, which I think accounts for the lack of drama. He's got nothing to prove, kwim? He's secure in his career and in his parenting.
I find myself becoming very attached to him. We have not had the exclusive talk yet but I may bring it up because I want to. I don't think I want to date anyone else. I like him, a lot.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. :)

norabird posted 4/22/2014 12:14 PM

like!

nutmegkitty posted 4/22/2014 12:16 PM

So, I guess part 2 of this post is I am still hesitant to trust my feelings. Last time I let myself like someone - a lot - I got nexted in a blindside. Which, I know now, had nothing to do wtih me and everything to do with him. (a LOT of reading on BR helped).

Anyway, I know there is a part of me that is still very scared to get hurt, which is why I think I've been taking it very slowly in letting myself feel anything for him. But in spite of myself, I do. That's a little scary.

cmego posted 4/22/2014 13:03 PM

*small squee*

Scary as shit, isn't it??

nowiknow23 posted 4/22/2014 13:16 PM

mixedemotions posted 4/22/2014 15:51 PM

I so get part 2, having been blindside nexted twice recently. No doubt that hurts and is scary to think about happening again, but the only way to the one relationship that has no blindsiding or nexting is optimism, right? Cautious optimism. Paying attention for red flags, not getting too far ahead of ourselves, but also not letting those jerkface nexters steal our joy with the one who's actually right for us.

Best of luck to you! Enjoy!

EvenKeel posted 4/23/2014 07:44 AM

How long have you been seeing him?

I know it is hard to totally trust. I think most of us struggle with this. HOWEVER...it is huge that you are willing to take the chance.

I had to smile at your post because at some point when I was just emailing the guy I am not seeing....I mentioned that I put lemon in my water. EVERY single time I go to his house now, he has a freshly cut lemon for me.

I know this is sooo small....but it makes me because it shows someone is actually paying attention and doing that little extra thing for me.

Typing this made me laugh because I alway think of the nicknames ppl on here give their SOs....maybe I should call mine 'lemon drop'.

Anyway - just wanted to say good for you Nutmeg!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 7:45 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

nutmegkitty posted 4/23/2014 08:57 AM

Let's see. I saw him the first time about the end of January. I remember it was very cold out. I know it was before February because we went out on Valentine's Day too (and I was freaking out because it was VDay and I didn't want things to be weird, lol )

DepressedDaddy posted 4/23/2014 14:45 PM

I know we're are really not supposed to be advertising things on this site, but I want to pass along some of Brene Brown's work on vulnerability.

She talks about how vulnerability is being "all-in" on something, when there are no guarantees. What that ends up giving you is something that could be fantastic. She says that being vulnerable truly is the only way to be fully happy. She says that being vulnerable is the birthplace of things like happiness, joy, pleasure, etc. If you can't be vulnerable, happiness becomes something that is not obtainable. The caveat...vulnerability can also be the birthplace of hurt, pain, fear, etc. So if you do not want to experience being hurt, you also give up the possibility of being happy. It is awesome and sucks at the same time.

Embrace vulnerability and be wholehearted in your actions and the investment could pay off 100 fold.

Check out Brene's TED talk titled "The Power of Vulnerability" if you want to delve more into it. It is only about 20 minutes, but it has really helped me. When WW and I were R, I went "all-in" for the chance at happiness with her. Unfortunately, it did not work and it hurt like hell, but I had to come to the realization that had I not done that, I would have robbed myself with the possibility of being happy. Like I said...it is awesome and sucky at the same time.

I look forward to sometime in the future being able to be vulnerable with someone again...although I will be scared as shit.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 4/23/2014 14:53 PM

dignityintact posted 4/23/2014 15:55 PM

life and love are scary…it's the only way to go! Embrace, and enjoy.

wonderingbull posted 4/24/2014 14:34 PM

If you don't take chances then you miss out on opportunities to wind up in some places that are so wonderful you never knew they existed...

WB

kg201 posted 4/25/2014 12:36 PM

Trust until trust is broken.

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