What can you do? I emphasize with you as I learned of D-day weeks before X-mas and therapy was not available until the new year. So...
I cried a lot. I exercised. I wrote. I spoke to my sister and bf who had no clue what to do but they did listen. My H started reading After the Affair. I read it too. What he needs to get his hands on now is How to Help your Spouse Heal From your Affair. This will give him a greater understanding of the hell you are experiencing.
I didn't know of SI back then but you do! So..keep posting, ask questions, feel your feelings, and read from the Healing Library. So many good people here to listen and offer support.
I wish you well.
so far WH has been very understanding of my craziness.
In maybe six weeks I would suggest you both start reading the book "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass. What we did was get two copies of the book. We read a chapter (sometimes two, depending on how long the chapter's were) and set aside time at the end of the week to discuss what we had read. We took notes, highlighted, etc. The book has a few quizzes, too. We actually found this book did more for us than MC did. FWH started to really "get it" then. He is a builder, so the whole windows and walls analogy really resonated with him. Many light bulb moments for him and me, also.
I suggest you wait to read this book because some find it way too triggery soon after d-day. You may find that to be true for you at 6 weeks. It was triggery for me at 8 months out, but not so bad that I couldn't read the book. It was worth it.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
The advice I got early on was not to make any MAJOR decision during a very emotional time. I recall a friend whose wife had died. Everyone wanted him to sell the house right away. He didn't do anything. He sat on it bc he knew he needed time for his head to clear.
So...as jjsr suggested: write some things down. Write more things down. You need not solve this or rush to decision.
Hugs to you Emmadean.