BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
I second LA's recommendation of the book How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair
by Linda MacDonald. In the meantime, you can have him read the thread in the Wayward forum called "Things that every WS needs to know"
it is a kind of shortened form of whats in the book. My FWH found it very helpful as it explains what a BS needs the WS to do. I didn't even know what I needed and this thread help me to define what I needed from my FWH.
so far WH has been very understanding of my craziness.
He better freaking be seeing as he is the one who threw this shitstorm into your life. We didn't chose this. We didn't ask for this. We don't deserve this.
In maybe six weeks I would suggest you both start reading the book "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass. What we did was get two copies of the book. We read a chapter (sometimes two, depending on how long the chapter's were) and set aside time at the end of the week to discuss what we had read. We took notes, highlighted, etc. The book has a few quizzes, too. We actually found this book did more for us than MC did. FWH started to really "get it" then. He is a builder, so the whole windows and walls analogy really resonated with him. Many light bulb moments for him and me, also.
I suggest you wait to read this book because some find it way too triggery soon after d-day. You may find that to be true for you at 6 weeks. It was triggery for me at 8 months out, but not so bad that I couldn't read the book. It was worth it.
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson