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Newest Member: Thankful (46008)

User Topic: This is what a loser I am
lilacs40
♀ 31314
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I have gone back and forth about divorcing since DDay. We have even gone so far as to tell the kids. Several days after we told them WH asked if it would be possible for me to give him a couple more weeks to get into IC (up until that point we had only been in MC) and I agreed but stated that I think it's best to not tell the kids as to not confuse them and that I would file for D anyway. I wanted to file anyway knowing that it could be stopped if I chose and if things still don't work out we would be that much farther along. He never said that he wasn't in agreement with that.

Later that week I find a post card from a female (lesbian) friend from the on-line game he plays. This infuriated me as he had it for at least 10 days and did not tell me. I know that it's only a post card and I know she's gay but he still hid it from me. When I asked him about it he said he didn't tell me because he knew I would be mad. No shit Sherlock.

At MC yesterday talk centered on the fact that I made a "rash decision" in filing. I'm not sure I agree that it was rash but it was not the original 6 month timeline we had agreed to.

As of yesterday morning I had still not heard from he process server about delivering the papers to WH and was glad as I wanted to give it one more week. We were sitting and watching the hockey game yesterday evening and the door bell rings. Here's the process server with the paperwork. I really wish he had let me know he was coming as I would have preferred to not be home.

WH was livid. Apparently he forgot the conversation where I said I would still be filing. He said that my going forward only pushes him further away and shows that I no longer want to be married to him. That the last two and a half months have all gone my way. I said hell no! If it had been my way I would have complete access to everything and would not have had to remind you to buy the stupid book.

So to the loser part: he texts me that he hasn't been ignoring me but "getting those papers has done my head in". Loser me wants to show him how much I want to stay married. What an idiot I am. If he really wanted to be married at this point he would say hey I don't want this D and what can I do to have you withdraw the petition. No I get its done me in.

I came here to tell you all instead of texting him and trying to make it up to him. (Which I really know he should be trying to make it up to me)

Thanks for reading didn't realize it would be so long.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 394 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lilacs)))

FTG.

Seriously. If I you have to remind him to work on your marriage (buy the book), then he isn't making it a priority. You cannot do it for him and have it be successful.

You've done him in he says? I call BS. He's just trying to manipulate you.

Stay strong. Don't fall for this crap.

I'm pissed off at my own WH today, so it's helping me be pissed off at yours on your behalf.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
LifeIsBroken
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"If he really wanted to be married at this point he would say hey I don't want this D and what can I do to have you withdraw the petition."

It appears you have your answer. Get yourself some angry, follow through and know you can live without him.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Lilacs)).

Sounds like he's upset he's lost power... I agree with other responses he should be doing everything to make you withdraw it. Keep to the 180.

Strength to you


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the fuck? This asshole cheats on you, tries to eat cake and sweep it under the rug, continues to lie and hide things from you and now he thinks he gets to be mad at you??? Fuck. That. Divorce is too good for his selfish ass. I can't think of anybody (except maybe a number of our exes on this site) who don't deserve a lot better than you're getting from Captain Rectum Necklace right now.

Stay the course.


Posts: 1848 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. Love Hopeless's answer. FTG.


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 983 | Registered: Mar 2013
ruinedandbroken
♀ 29250
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF???

He wants YOU to show HIM how much you want to stay married to his stupid ass? Fuck that!

He doesn't have a fucking clue. What a douche.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hOpeless nailed it!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are right--real remorse means supporting your healing in every form, even if that means filing. It means saying: I respect your decisions and needs, but I'm going to do everything you ask and everything I can think of. Not throwing a fucking mantrum over your making the decisions! Someone who wasn't you made the decision to cheat I think, does he conveniently forget that?!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4232 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:43 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey, you're not a loser and neither am I.

I said and did lots of things during False R that used to hold a lot of shame for me.

I fell for the much the same rubbish - repeatedly. I had a list of MY failings presented to me. Did I turn away and never look back? No. The night we split up for good he was screaming at me about all of the ways I wasn't invested and about how I was punishing him. This, 5m after DD. He was still lying - he was still fucking around.

Translation: you fucking bitch - why won't you let me rugsweep and cake eat!! This is all your fault!!

I wasn't even driven by love - it was fear. My fear of the future and also of having been so very wrong about this man I married and had children with. So great was that fear that I refused to acknowledge that I was living a nightmare.

They all pull this shit when they realise they're starting to lose control of us. It goes into overdrive once they realise they've completely lost control of us. To his day "we" did this in his fucked up mind.

Start strong. R is almost impossible even with both parties fully invested - absolutely impossible if with the way he is acting. Save yourself the agony of False R. There is nothing you can do to make him have True Remorse. It has to come from within him - he has to want it for himself, not for you.

Right now you're being manipulated by the same thinking that helped him tell himself it was OK to betray you. Exactly the same.

Notice the 'poor me' card he's pulling? Fuck you dude. You did this to yourself and you're STILL doing it.

He isn't even doing the very basics. Proceed with the D. Remember there is no venom in true remorse, whether in R or S/D.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:41 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think your a loser. In fact what you did makes you a survivor. What I do think is that your a victim of his M A N I P U L A T I O N Stop allowing that right now !!!!!

His reaction and subsequent behavior only solidifies your decision to file. He is acting like a 5 yo having a tantrum because you took away his favorite toy. And that toy is the power he had over you. He wants it back and will bitch, moan and cry in order to get it. Look at what happened here. You inflicted a consequence to his actions and the first thing he does is get defensive and starts the blame shifting bullshit. These are not the behaviors of a remorseful WS.

[This message edited by stronger08 at 3:41 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5900 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 11

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