Honey, you're not a loser and neither am I.
I said and did lots of things during False R that used to hold a lot of shame for me.
I fell for the much the same rubbish - repeatedly. I had a list of MY failings presented to me. Did I turn away and never look back? No. The night we split up for good he was screaming at me about all of the ways I wasn't invested and about how I was punishing him. This, 5m after DD. He was still lying - he was still fucking around.
Translation: you fucking bitch - why won't you let me rugsweep and cake eat!! This is all your fault!!
I wasn't even driven by love - it was fear. My fear of the future and also of having been so very wrong about this man I married and had children with. So great was that fear that I refused to acknowledge that I was living a nightmare.
They all pull this shit when they realise they're starting to lose control of us. It goes into overdrive once they realise they've completely lost control of us. To his day "we" did this in his fucked up mind.
Start strong. R is almost impossible even with both parties fully invested - absolutely impossible if with the way he is acting. Save yourself the agony of False R. There is nothing you can do to make him have True Remorse. It has to come from within him - he has to want it for himself, not for you.
Right now you're being manipulated by the same thinking that helped him tell himself it was OK to betray you. Exactly the same.
Notice the 'poor me' card he's pulling? Fuck you dude. You did this to yourself and you're STILL doing it.
He isn't even doing the very basics. Proceed with the D. Remember there is no venom in true remorse, whether in R or S/D.