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So I've started dating some over the last few months. Dates here and there and did have a date with one guy I kind of liked but ended being just to arrogant and selfish....I definitely don't want selfish again. Well, strangest thing has happened. My XWH best friend whose wife left him 2 years and cheated on him, has been texting me and calling.

He is no longer friends with my XWH because he did not agree with what he did. My XWH even still tries to call him and he will not call him back.

In the meantime, the friendship I had with him has grown through this. He even talked me down one of the two times I had a dark moment and didn't want to live anymore.

Anyway, I am still a little scared of men. So he text me the other night "just thinking about u" and I got scared. I have known him and been friends with him for years and am very attracted to him not only physically but his character as well. Once during my marriage, I caught XWH on the phone with a woman on the back porch. This guy tore into my XWH telling him "you are a married man and have no business talking to other women on the phone. "

My question: how do I stop being scared? Especially about a man I know has a strong moral compass and I like so much as a person? I don't want to ruin it by being scared.

I don't think you're stupid, you're just a little over a year our from having your life imploded.

It's natural to feel that way. Gun-shy.

Nobody says you have to hop in the sack with the guy right away.

It's probably too soon for you to be dating if you're still that terrified, but there's no harm in exploring the friendship and see where it leads.

And maybe get some IC to work through your feelings.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:56 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

My suggestion : keep it to friends until you don't jump when you get a text like that.

well, right now the only thing to be scared of are your projections of how he is feeling and why he is texting. Texting kinda sucks, it forces us to read into stuff and interpret things, and often we get it wrong. He's reaching out because he cares about you and wants to support you. You are friends. Be friends. He sounds like an awesome cand caring person who you have benefitted from knowing. Enjoy it.

It is strange because he has even said he wanted to take me out. That didn't bother me. It was just that text. It gave me butterflies and then I got scared. I started thinking it was strange that he isn't with me but thinking about me. I have thought about him when we are not together.

He left out of town yesterday for work and called me and said he wanted to take me to lunch when he got back. That doesn't scare me. I don't understand why one little text like that freaked me out.

I have actually enjoyed dating and having fun! He also has wanted to know about my dates every time I went on one. And kept texting me during one he knew I was on.