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Hearing the hurtful words...

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FaithnMe posted 4/23/2014 12:03 PM

Its official. We are done. Its almost freeing but at the same time my heart is shattered. His 9 month affair came out a little over a month ago. Now my gym rat of a husband is planning to up and move to Florida with his best friend to open a Crossfit gym of their own. They are only 26 yrs old, no business background. My husband has no assets of his own and just paid off $24,000 in collections. Ive been the only stable bread winner in our home the last 5 years. Him and the OW are no longer "together" even though they talk. She tells everyone she believed we were in process of D. We went into false R about 3 weeks ago. He was home everyday and we were doing things again as a family. But he wouldnt stop talking to her so i made him leave. Now he is planning to up and move away and leave his two children my DD (3) and his DS (5).

Of course this upsets me and I dont want to send my toddler to flordia to visit. We live in OH. He states hes not going to give up the only good thing he got from me. That this "new" beginning is way better than what he had with me. That im the one with the shitty attitude, and he wants dissolution papers signed and ready for him when he returns to get his things to move.

Hes throwing punches left and right but everyone tells me not to let him know he is getting to me. How the hell can i do this? I dont want him to move, i dont want a divorce, i didnt want him to cheat. I want none of it yet im getting all of it plus hurtful words.

How and what am i doing wrong??????

deena posted 4/23/2014 12:14 PM

You are NOT the one doing wrong!!!!!

I don't know the law in the states but I don't see how he can have visitation rights if he moves out of state unless he comes back and sees them in your state.
They are too young to travel on their own and he would have to get a permanent housing to be able to have kids there.

Plus since he is starting his own business that is not established yet he wouldn't have a chance in court.

But don't tell him this. See a lawyer and let the lawyer handle it with him.
And don't let him bully you into having so everything "signed and ready for him".

Document what you can including any emails/texts he sends you.

You are the stable presence for your kids. Let him shoot himself in the foot. You stay calm and legal.

You are a good mom and person. ((((((FaithnMe)))))))

You are hurting right now. When you realize what he is doing you will feel more like standing up for yourself and think F him. I deserve better treatment than this.

[This message edited by deena at 12:16 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

nekorb posted 4/23/2014 12:30 PM

You know all that stuff he said is just bullshit to make himself feel less guilty, right?


See a lawyer. Find out what your rights are.

Study the 180 in the healing library.


norabird posted 4/23/2014 12:30 PM


You are the mature adult in this situation, and he is throwing a mantrum. Try not to listen to him, honey. He is beyond contempt. I am so sorry he is abandoning your children but his leaving your life is a blessing in disguise.

FaithnMe posted 4/23/2014 12:42 PM

Thank you for the encouragement and reminding me what I should already know. Hate that my heart and head do not match up.

Meeting with attorney because now the threats to take things from our home are starting to happen.

Just want some peace. It will be a year in July that my life fell apart.

norabird posted 4/23/2014 13:08 PM

Hate that my heart and head do not match up.

Oh sweetie, that's just part of being human. the heart takes time to let go. Take it as a sign you are a loving person, and don't beat yourself up for it. Act by the head, and allow your heart room to grieve.

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