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Newest Member: YoungNInLove (61865)

User Topic: 2 years out....
♀ 35969
Member # 35969
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a long time since I posted here. D-Day was 2 years ago and this site was my daily source of comfort and inspiration to continue on with reconciliation. Though my WH has worked hard to be faithful, two years out and I am mad as all can be and miserable. A little background...

My WH received orders to a different duty station in September and was renting a room with a coworker until I could find a job. I graduated from nursing school in May and had just started my first job in the town we had been living in. Nursing jobs as a new grad are very competitive so I planned to stay there until a year was up. So we were living apart. In addition to that, his mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in Feb 2012 and wasn't doing well. By November he was begging me to move up to where he was. So, I began to look for a job. I took a huge pay cut but ended up in my dream department. So, the boys and I packed up everything and moved to be with WH. Two weeks later, his mother passed away....on my birthday. Needless to say, it hasn't been a great year. Oh yeah, did I mention that we live 15 min from where OW vacations. :(

Flash forward to now. We have been here for roughly 5 months. I like my job but want more, my kids love theirs schools, and WH is doing better than I expected. Me.... I am miserable. I should be happy but I am not. My husband rented a beautiful house for us, spent 7k in new bedroom furniture for us and does everything for me. But I haven't had a moment of happiness for years now and am truly beginning to wonder is staying was the right idea...

Me - 38, Him - 36
Married - 13 years
Three kiddos (oldest is mine) - 10, 12,15
DDay #1 - 4/21/2012, Discovered 3 mo. EA (texts, phone calls, nude pics, sexting, 1 kiss)
R - 4/24/12.

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds like a LOT to process, mamak. I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL - my FWH lost his mother exactly 5 years ago and we're still trying to process it sometimes.

It's ok to have doubts. It's not fun, but I don't want you to start beating yourself up for trying to move.

We moved too, and even though it's away from where COW lives, it's close to where some of her family lives. (thank you fb ) That bothered me at first, but the likelihood of running into her is so miniscule that I don't ever think about it anymore.

I remember, about 5 months into the move, I started to really doubt everything. It was a fresh start, but we brought a lot of our stress with us, and moving with kids and pets and everything is really a stress trigger in itself. You'll argue more, you'll feel exhausted a lot of the time... it really takes a while for the dust to settle.

You've been dealt a lot of challenges. Try to take things in small steps for a while. Don't worry about the big picture, just try to be where you are and be ok. It doesn't have to be perfect, and it doesn't have to be permanent. You just need the merry-go-round of life events to slow a bit so you can see where you are.


[This message edited by Jrazz at 3:24 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 2

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