SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

justasinger posted 4/23/2014 15:52 PM

So yesterday, while I'm in the middle of telling her I can't live like this anymore, she admits to yet another ONS, with another previously undisclosed partner, and says it was a few years ago, before "the last time" with the couple. When asked why she didn't fess up to it at DDay #2, she said she'd already hurt me so much, she didn't want me to hurt worse. Seriously? The fact that I knew she hadn't been completely honest with me up to this point really helped lessen the blow this time. In fact, I was completely dispassionate about it, to her anyway. I still do not believe she's told me everything, and honestly at this point I don't care if she ever does. Maybe that will change, but I just don't see it happening. At this point I care about nothing, feel nothing, enjoy nothing.

[This message edited by justasinger at 5:07 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

norabird posted 4/23/2014 16:16 PM

((((justasinger))))

confused615 posted 4/23/2014 16:24 PM

(((((justasinger)))))

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 4/23/2014 16:26 PM

(((jas)))

Please don't let her, or anyone else, take away your passion for living.

I don't know your story, but what you've written here tells me quite a bit.

Do you have children together?

ETA: I see. Those kids are with her, I'm guessing. Makes it a bit more coplicated.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 4:50 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

nowiknow23 posted 4/23/2014 16:31 PM

Oh, man. I'm so very sorry, justasinger. (((((hugs)))))

Keep breathing, hon. Go back to the self-care basics. Drink plenty of water. Eat something, even if you don't feel like it. Try to get regular sleep. Move your body in some way every day - go for a walk, ride your bike, punch a heavy bag, whatever floats your boat. But do something physical. It not only gets the endorphins flowing, it also helps your brain process the trauma you've experienced.

Keep posting. We're here for you.

still2suspicious posted 4/23/2014 16:55 PM

(((justasinger))

I am so sorry.

They just don't get it, do they?

stupid assholes!!

Breezy150 posted 4/23/2014 16:59 PM

(((Justasinger)))

I am so sorry.

justasinger posted 4/23/2014 17:05 PM

I am making sure I'm taking care of myself and the girls. Yes, we have the kids in common. I'm not suicidal or anything, I just don't have any care left, other than for the girls. And she's begging me, "Please don't do this". And I of course said nothing. I want to say, "I didn't do this", but nothing comes out when I open my mouth. The most I said is that we both need to be a bit more independent. The bed in the spare room is covered in clothes right now, but as soon as I have them all taken care of, I will be moving in there for a bit.

veronique12 posted 4/23/2014 17:26 PM

Damn TT. It's like walking blindfolded next to someone who keeps hitting you in the face with a hammer after they continue to swear they won't do it again. Why don't WS's get the severe damage it does, the paranoia it breeds, the fear of waiting for the next blow to hit?? I am so sorry. You don't deserve to live like this. ((JAS))

yearsofpain25 posted 4/23/2014 18:25 PM

F$&@!!! What veronique12 said.

I'm sorry jas. I'm very sorry for your pain or even worse your decent to apathy. I'm somewhat familiar with your story. I know her relatives are near by if I remember correctly. Any chance of separating outside the house if you need to?

kiki1 posted 4/23/2014 19:06 PM

(((JAS)))

Goddamn tt hurts like hell. Got thatcrap going on here too.

I know the feeling of not caring. That too will pass and then it will be time to decide how you want to deal with it.

I'd be in the spare bed too if we had one. In one way, the fact that she told you is honest on her part. She didnt have to tell you did she? If she didnt, you wouldnt have known. You werent particularly asking her if there was more?

I'm struggling with something similiar myself. He admitted 2 days ago his a lasted 3 years, not 1 like he told me before. We are 4 years past dday. I was pissed!! Still am. But a little voice will pop up in my head and say, "he could have denied it, but he didnt" I too would never have known it was this long if he didnt. Bottom line, he was honest.

I'm sorry if this doesnt help you much. And i sure hope i didnt jack your thread. Just putting out there another way to process the info.

tushnurse posted 4/23/2014 20:35 PM

Make her gO to the other bed. Why the hell should you move? Make her as uncomfortable as possible.
TT stops when you put an absolute end date on this.
For me it was the day I handed him my rings and told him to get out.

You deserve more stand up for you and your girls.
(((and strength))))

justasinger posted 4/24/2014 04:18 AM

Veronique,

very well said.

Yearsofpain,
Yes, it's possible to separate outside of the house, but would be extremely unpleasant. Anywhere I went would be a different school district, so DD6 would be put out pretty hard (WSO won't go anywhere else because of the animals that need taking care of and whatnot).

Kikil,
Yes, if she hadn't of said anything I wouldn't have known about it, but I did tell her I knew she wasn't being completely honest with me, and that there was no way for me to get past something if I didn't know everything.

tushnurse,
I did think about telling her she needed to go to the spare room, but ultimately decided that since I spent a lot of time cleaning the spare room out, and have not as of yet spent any time cleaning our room, if I go to the spare room I won't have to clean the master BR.

PRNDL posted 4/24/2014 05:26 AM

Im so sorry brother. What is wrong with these people? I though I was the only guy whoes STBXW had a threesome.

My wife had a long term A with her OM. One year long. I caught her. We started false R. D-day 2 came a month later when I learned that they met back up and screwed on the beach "one last time". I stayed with her, major limbo. 5 monhs later, even after MC sessions, I learnd that she was still seeing him, d-day #3. I moved out and filed for D. She is still with the OM to this day.

Thats not the worse part. See, and LTA with the OM was not disgusting enough for my wife. D-day 4 was about a month ago. She confessed the following:

One of her slut girl friends from high school has a 56 year old married boyfriend. The girl friend in 30 yoa and my wife is 30 yoa. The guy travels on business and in town. He asked the girl to "bring a friend" next time he comes in to town so the can have sex. This girl friend asked my wife if "she wanted in on it" and my slut wife said yes. Can you believe that?

My wife lied and told me she was spending the weekend at the beach with her girl friend. She kissed me and my son goodbye. That day she got het hair done, nails done, and spray tanned while wearing a tiny thong. They all met up at a fancy hotel a frew counties away and had a nasty threesome with this guy. No protection!

I dont know what happened to my wife. She was replace by this whore. We were together 14 year together, married 7 years, and we have an 11 year old son. We both had great careers, two new cars, nice new house, and a great future ahead. We were living the american dream, but that was not good enough for her.

Sorry for what you're going through. I feel for you. I truly do.
I recommend you not limbo. Just D.

I left. I left her the house, furnature and everything! I took my clothes and tool! Most importantly, peace of mind. 7 months of torture limbo was hell. I filed for D.

Im refuse to R with a digisting cheating piece of garbage. Her LTA of 1.5 years was not enough with the OM. She had to have a threesome ONS with a strange man and a girl friend. She cheated on me and her OM!

Good luck to us all

OK now posted 4/24/2014 06:20 AM

For your own piece of mind withdraw. Be pleasant and friendly but no affection or meaningful communication. Concentrate on your daughters they are your world right now.

Essentially 'send her to coventry' to use an English phrase. You need time to recover your emotional equilibrium and talking about her numerous affairs, [maybe more she hasn't revealed], is counterproductive right now.

justasinger posted 4/24/2014 13:45 PM

I had to google "send her to Coventry". I like it... :-)

Mindfully posted 4/24/2014 14:27 PM

((justasinger))

I'm so sorry for what's happened. Even though a part of you prepares for the possibility of it, its still such a disappointment when it happens. And so hurtful.

I can only repeat what everyone else has said: be kind and gentle with yourself for the next few days.

We have your back here.

deena04 posted 4/24/2014 14:33 PM

I am so sorry. Please withdraw and take care of your kids and you. She doesn't get it! 180 her ass and get strong for YOU!