SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

bpositive posted 4/23/2014 20:01 PM

So I'm super thrilled to say that my SO and I have gotten engaged!

I am in the process of filing my annulment, which I began before the engagement, and it is bringing up some bitter feelings. I've finished my paperwork, and gotten the pastoral counseling of not remarrying before the full process is complete (of course). I'm 39, and with my health issues, my medical team is prodding me - sooner is better than later for children. I'd prefer we get married first and then get preggo!

I cannot <STAND> the fact that my XH of nearly 7 years ago now (wow!), who is remarried, still retains some impact on my life. I worked hard to free myself of his hold over me. And that if the annulment were not granted, I would be expected to stay single, whereas he, the philandering atheist, glibly goes on his merry way.

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I'd be interested in hearing from other annulled NB'ers and their experiences coping with these feelings.

[This message edited by bpositive at 8:02 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

norabird posted 4/23/2014 20:07 PM

Congratulations on your engagement!

nowiknow23 posted 4/23/2014 20:22 PM

Congratulations, bpositive!

Gemini71 posted 4/23/2014 20:26 PM

I haven't started the annulment process yet, but I have been encouraged to. STBXH is definitely 'incapable' of living up to the requirements of marriage. He's been diagnosed SA. I have misgivings about annulment because we have kids.

If it makes you feel better, two of my good friends just had their first kids at 42. One was in vitro, the other old fashioned.

Here's hoping it goes quick and easy for you.

inconnu posted 4/23/2014 20:58 PM

Congratulations!!

Kajem posted 4/23/2014 21:07 PM

Congratulations on your engagement!

Annulment started, witnesses responded, added another witness and waiting for her response.

Answering the questions was very tough, but also healing. The counseling that took place during the questioning ( my advocate helped me with the questions over several days) was very helpful in seeing how both of us were not prepared for married life.

Good luck,
K

million pieces posted 4/23/2014 21:11 PM

I'm kinda in the same shoes. My SO and I are engaged, but as he is catholic he wants and needs an annulment. And because I want to marry him, even though I am not Catholic, I need to through the process. I had said that I would do it if it meant a lot to my SO, but that was before I knew the entire process. Honestly not sure I will do it at this point.

bpositive posted 4/23/2014 21:53 PM

The process of filling out the paperwork has been freeing, and feels wonderful. And my deacon said that a civili marriage would not impact the process, but of course I would not be in communion with the church until after the annulment was approved.

I strongly recommend that if you are divorcing, begin your process two years or so after your divorce. It is quite intense, and can bring up some feelings about your relationship. My Archdioscese states that they keep the children out of the annulment process, nor does it make them "illegitimate."

12-18 months wait. Many women can and do have children into their 40's. I have two heart conditions that make my particular circumstances a little more challenging....

wildbananas posted 4/24/2014 00:22 AM

Congratulations, b+!

Sad in AZ posted 4/24/2014 00:30 AM

My aunt used to work for the Tribunal in Brooklyn, NY. I know it can be grueling.

Congratulations on your engagement!

thyme2go posted 4/24/2014 00:53 AM

-t2g

woundedby2 posted 4/24/2014 01:05 AM

Wishing you every happiness, B+. Congratulations!

little turtle posted 4/24/2014 07:42 AM

Congrats on your engagement!!! pics? Have you started any of the wedding planning yet?

I turned in the paperwork for my annulment to the church in April 2012. My witnesses received their part I believe it was that summer, June 2012 and they had to turn in it by July 2012. The first instance of the courts was granted in March 2013 and then the annulment was granted April 2013. SO proposed in June. The process started for me a few months before I turned in the paperwork. I answered all of the questions by myself. Like you said, it's freeing and quite intense! I could only answer so many of them at a time and I left the more difficult ones to do later. XH was invited to answer the questions and share his side of the story, but he opted not to.

Feel free to pm me if you want to ask me anything else.

jo2love posted 4/24/2014 08:05 AM

Congrats!!!

getnbtr1 posted 4/24/2014 11:52 AM

So wonderful that you found happiness. Congrats to you both!

better4me posted 4/24/2014 12:43 PM

so happy about your engagement! Best wishes to you and your fiance!!

Jeaniegirl posted 4/24/2014 12:57 PM

Congrats on your engagement and new beginning.

I won't even pretend to understand the religious annulment issue but I've heard it can be really tough. A friend of mine got a divorce from her H because he cheated and the OW (never been married before) was Catholic. So my friend gets the paperwork in the mail as the ExH was marrying the OW. OW was the only daughter of a very affluent family, lots of money involved -- so they wanted the huge wedding for her, country club and all. My friend was upset as she felt the annulment would make it appear her son with the ExH 'didn't exist' on paper. There was a phone number for the priest of the parish of the OW, if she had questions. I told her to call the priest with her questions.

She did -- and felt better afterwards. Then she said ... "Funny, the priest didn't know that EXH had been married before ME!" It seems the OW didn't know the BW was the second wife either until my friend told him.

SO my friend's EXH had not told the OW she would be wife number 3.

Didn't matter, the dumb bitch married him anyway and produced three kids in three years. Now he's leaving her.

Oh what a tangled web ......... I see lots of 'paperwork' in the OW/Rich Bride's future.

bpositive posted 4/24/2014 14:50 PM

I guess my real struggle is do I do what is right and healthiest for my body, or do I do what is right by my faith? Knowing of course, that forgiveness from the church can be sought and gained.

Jeaniegirl posted 4/24/2014 14:52 PM

And I hope it all works out for you! It will! Good luck!

5674emt posted 4/24/2014 15:21 PM

Congrats on the engagement. Babies later in life gave me time to pick an involved father. Our daughters were conceived naturally when I was 39 and 44 and born very healthy.