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Newest Member: sponger77 (61470)

User Topic: help with a night out...?
♀ 43187
Member # 43187
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I pretty much found out a week ago today exactly what had been going on between my WH and the OW (my ex-best friend). I had always had my suspicions, but never acted on them (or was lied about it when I asked directly).

Anyway, my birthday is this week and I want to do something by myself. I usually do everything with my WH. Over the past year, it usually included the other couple. But this year I want to do something independently of everyone else so I can have time to myself.

I tried running through ideas. The only thing I could figure out is go early to a local friendly bar that has some very nice outdoor seating and read a book. And I figured I would do that. I would have a beer or two and read an hour. I couldn't stay long or drink much (not that I really want to drink anyway) because I have work the next day.

This morning I woke up to thinking that might be a bad idea. Drinking isn't really want I want to be doing right now (even if it's just one or two). And I don't exactly want to talk to people. I just wanted to be left alone to read in a friendly, happyish place. Then I felt selfish as I was ignoring that I could do something with my son.

Any ideas? I asked my son about golfing. But the golfing range we would go to will probably have a super long wait after work. I usually would spend those evenings at those friends house and that's where our problem of opportunity started. Now I don't know what do to on my own as I haven't done anything on my own in a LONG time. I just want the entire evening out of the house until it's time for me to go to bed. If it includes my son, great! If it's ideas just for me, then great as well. I do need time on my own. I'd go out with different friends, but I really don't have any other people that I am friendly enough to want to go out with. I'm an odd ball enough as it is (-- as is my WH, which is why we had gotten a long so well as a couple.)

me: 34, mad hatter. EA in 2005. I broke it off.
wh: 39, EA + PA
DD 1 - Feb 1, 13, EA that was progressing to PA.
DD 2 - Apr 17, 14, PA, double betrayal
incredible, sensitive, smart, and beautiful boy: 11

Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 33014
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do you have a dog? you could go for a walk

or a hike somewhere in a park. Nature has a way of centering me.

Or a girls night withut that bitch------Or go out with a chef? ;) hahah

Or you could treat yourself to something on your bucketlist....

Somebody ,I think it was Circe, gave me some great advice - make this ananniversary and new memories.

Happy Birthday!

I've spent many alone and it's not so bad. The next day it stops mattering.

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 8:05 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]

Posts: 401 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe get a hotel room for the night and take your son. Order in room service. I bet he would think it was really fun, and you will have a new memory to replace the old ones.

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could go to a coffe shop and read, or a book store.

Or take your son to the Zoo? Or to a dinner/movie date with mom?

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
♀ 37756
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our book stores have coffee shops in them. And a plethora if people reading.

And no one talks to them. It's fabulous!! One of my favorite things to do!

There's always the mani/pedi/massage option. Bring a book for the mani/pedi part and they will leave you alone.

Figure out what would make YOU happy...then do that. :-)

And happy birthday!

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 631 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 42822
Member # 42822
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Treat yourself (and son too?) to dinner at the best restaurant you can get to. Let the server know it's your birthday and you want the chef to surprise you with something really special. And enjoy every last mouthful. Can you tell I love food?
A good chef loves a chance to be imaginative and be appreciated for it.

My birthday (the big one ) is next month and I am thinking I want to do something by myself without WH too. Yeah, sounds like a plan....

BS me 51
WS 44
OW easy NSA he told he was single
9 mo A
DDay 1/3/14
TT 2 wks later
still waiting for the rest
Married 13 yrs
Together 22
In house S Limbo

Posts: 79 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southeast US
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK. My advice is to expunge 'should' from your thoughts. Get rid of it. Dump it.

What do you want to do?

I read you want to read, be alone, and perhaps be with your son. You can't be alone and with your son at the same time. Maybe you really want some time with him and some time alone.

In any case, figure it out, and do what you want.

I suggest the library as another place to read without interruption.

I also suggest expanding your horizon at least as far as massage. Being betrayed has a physical impact, and massage can help resolve that impact.

I guess I'm saying, 'Do what you want, and make yourself want a massage.' The first clause is the one that counts....

Happy birthday!

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16789 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 2766
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with the massage, or mani/pedi, or all of this.

I also like the hotel room with room service. Pay for a movie you've wanted to watch.

Posts: 3061 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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