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What we never wanted

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AppalachianGal posted 4/24/2014 09:58 AM

Had a discussion with fWH at the beginning of the week and asked if there was ever anything that was a line in the sand for him, a dealbreaker? What was one thing that he always said he wouldn't want, wouldn't tolerate out of a wife? The only thing he could come up with was "arguing." He never wanted a marriage full of disagreement. Isn't that some funny $hit. Anyway, I asked if I had an affair would he stay with me as long as we were getting along and I treated him well. He said --- yes. It was more important to him that we got along than it was for me to be faithful. WTH?

For me, I always wanted a faithful marriage. I NEVER wanted a cheating spouse. From the time I was a little girl, I've known this. I have what I never wanted.

Oh, he has also decided he wants to come here to SI and read on the Wayward Spouse forum. I'm all for it. I think he's going to get the shock of his life.

mchercheur posted 4/24/2014 14:57 PM

Is it possible to have a marriage without ever having an argument? Two different people are not going to agree on everything. Of course, hopefully there is healthy discussion about the disagreement, not name-calling or putting the other person down.

Infidelity, on the other hand, ends marriages.

steadfast1973 posted 4/24/2014 15:01 PM

he has skewed priorities.

LovelyDaffodils posted 4/24/2014 15:12 PM

What I never wanted? The last 20 years. So to go back and wish for what I missed I would have to say the feeling I wasn't hated. That I could be myself. No wonder I grew to hate myself.

Having a bad day today. Just over all this and reverting back to that hopeless feeling. WH seems to be trying. I just can't help but feel it is too late. I learned years ago I don't need a man to feel good enough. The one man I wanted, I feel hated me all this time. I should have worked on "me" before we got married. It may have made me see I should have left him and his angry attitude. So yeah, I know now that I never wanted to be in a M unless I knew who I was and what I could bring to it.

justinpaintoday posted 4/24/2014 15:24 PM

Sorry for the pain today. The stupid things they say to deflect and minimize their choices.

IWantDoOver posted 4/24/2014 15:32 PM

The only thing he could come up with was "arguing." He never wanted a marriage full of disagreement.

He's going to be doing some work on Conflict Avoidance, right?

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