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Newest Member: RisingAbovePain (61843)

User Topic: Post mediation vent Life is not fair
♀ 37656
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

So, my mediation was Monday and i just need to vent.

I am really pissed off that I have to move. My ex, who is a very wealthy man, made 7 figures the last two years, does not have enough cash for the divorce settlement, so I have to sell the house I am living in (I won't qualify for a loan, because I am a student and will graduate in June) and move.

On Dday, he told me to leave the marital home and I moved down to the house we bought for the "Golden Years" of retirement. He stayed in the marital home, the home that I spent the last 4 months of the marriage, overseeing the renovations, while he was out screwing his mistress. I spent hours redesigning the garden, picking out paint colors, putting up with the noise and chaos of the renovations, while he was out screwing her. I now feel like I spent all that time getting the house ready for her.

He has had no disruptions in his life. She moved into my place, she moved into the house and quit her job. He keeps the house and his life. My world was shattered.

I have to move, again. My life is getting disrupted again and it pisses me off. Why is it that he has the affair, breaks the marital vows and life goes on as before???? He has to pay me SS for a couple of years so there will be a little less money for him to spend on his mistress/fiancee but it just doesn't seem "fair"

All I can think, is that the "Fair" is in Pomona and life is not fair.

I know this gives me a clean slate, and that I will move on. But after the hell, anguish and excruciating pain that I went through after Dday, it would be nice to see some karma come his way.

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
♀ 42096
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I can relate and I'm struggling with the same issues. I can't afford to keep our home. The home we designed and built together. Our beautiful waterfront home.
He has informed me that he plans to keep it. I cannot fathom how that's possible with our debt, the equity he'd have to pay me along with the child support and spousal support...
I figure the only way it will happen is if (a) his parents loan/give him the money (possible) or (b) OW is moving in.

Either way I can't wrap my head around the fact that he gets to continue life in our home. It feels like either way he is rewarded while I downsize to a strange place.
I can't imagine what kind of a woman would want to live in a home with so many ghosts. Who does that?
I also can't fathom what kind of parents would reward their adulterous child with a loan to keep the house...I sure as hell wouldn't if that were my kid!

Anyway- what I have to believe is that no relationship that starts the way my stbxwh and ow started can work. My stbxwh has not done enough work on himself to be healthy in a normal relationship, let alone one that began with lies and shame etc. I can see train wreck written all over it.
And if it's not her moving in, I know stbxwh will be stretched financially to the limit- where as I aim to be comfortably downsized with money to travel or whatever...

I just have to believe that it will all settle how it should. That one day I will be so sublimely happy (hopefully sharing that happiness with someone incredible) that it won't hurt me anymore to think about whatever life he's making for himself.

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 42758
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They will get what they deserve for their may not be today, tomorrow or even next year, but it will happen.

Kids: DD7
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.

Posts: 137 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 3

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