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918Mama posted 4/24/2014 12:30 PM

Things are going well in our home. Really, really well. I have absolutely no complaints.

We are starting to put our life back together. Talking about giving up his apartment. Doing home projects. Looking at new rings. Kids are happy and well adjusted. There aren't any big triggers that have surfaced, communication is great, therapy is great. It's great...all of it.

But I just want to crawl into bed and cry.

I don't want to work today. I want to be with my kids. Neither of these are an option today and I think it just makes me want it that much more.

I'm just so sad for some reason. We're 23 months out. Hot and heavy in affair season. Last year, I coped with the one year antiversary by getting a boyfriend.

I highly discourage anyone else from considering that plan!

I feel like I've been through all the normal grief stages plus the awful year two and the plain of lethal flatness.

Where is this crazy place I find myself now and when will it go away?? Am I just subconsciously dealing with what this time frame represents?? Our MC suggested making new anniversaries during this time will help.

I didn't have the heart to tell her I will still remember the "other" anniversaries.

Is it just there are so many good days that when the bad ones roll around, it catches me off guard??

I just don't know. Thoughts?

sisoon posted 4/24/2014 12:44 PM

Am I just subconsciously dealing with what this time frame represents??

Intending gentle humor - sounds pretty conscious to me....

Recycling the A season and antiv. makes perfect sense to me, since that's what I did. first was worst, 2nd fairly hard, 3rd was pretty easy....

Be kind to yourself, and let your feelings flow.

(((918Mama)))

tired girl posted 4/24/2014 21:32 PM

Hi 918,

So are you guys getting back together?

I would say that is exactly what is happening. First was horrible for me, second was a little better but still angry and sad. I am hoping the third will be just a blip.

It is ok for you to be experiencing this. Let it happen, don't fight it.

918Mama posted 4/24/2014 23:32 PM

Thanks Sisoon...you made me laugh.

And TG...oh how I've missed you!!!!!!! And the answer to your question is yes...provided we make it through the next month of mine fields!

[This message edited by 918Mama at 11:32 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]

tired girl posted 4/24/2014 23:36 PM

918,

I have missed being able to respond to you as well Thank you.

I am glad to hear about you guys, and you will make it through

918Mama posted 4/25/2014 00:24 AM

Thanks TG...I hope so.

And I haven't hoped that in a really long time.

[This message edited by 918Mama at 12:25 AM, April 25th (Friday)]

tired girl posted 4/25/2014 00:44 AM

I know you haven't. That is why I am so glad to hear this.

This year right around anti 2 for me, I was in my IC's office and I was literally almost raging. To the point that she was thinking that I needed more help than she could offer, lol. On the way home I was trying to figure out why I was so angry and then all of the sudden it dawned on me, I picked up my phone and looked at the calendar and sure enough I was about four days out from Dday. Once I acknowledged why I was so pissed it took the edge off. Once it passed, I was back to normal. It is still weird to me how our minds just know these dates.

This will pass, but give it it's due.