SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Pinkcottoncandy posted 4/24/2014 14:34 PM

Why do some WS feel the need to go through the BS phone or social media accounts after an argument? I keep remembering waking up to my phone being taken, or seeing that my text messages were already read. It's not that I mind having open access to my phone, but why assume that I'm looking for someone else after an argument? I also don't understand why/how someone expects their BS to forgive them if they keep doing things to make the BS feel like the cheater?

stunnedin12 posted 4/24/2014 14:42 PM

Wh tries this on me sometimes. If we are alone (no children w/in ear shot), I tend to remind him that I was not the one keeping secrets and he is welcome to look at any text/email I may send or receive. I have also been known to tell him he is being a passive/aggressive jerk and acting like a 2 year old.

It's a control thing for him and I'm not taking it.

eta: Wh also tried when his affair first came out to blame me for having an affair since I had been alone with a man .... Yup, I was in the same room with a man whose wife had just died waiting for the funeral home to arrive. Real conducive to screwing. Wh just about lost his balls with that comment. He's never brought it up again. I think waywards grasp at straws and instead of 'manning up' try to deflect blame. It is all part of the crazy making.

[This message edited by stunnedin12 at 2:44 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]

steadfast1973 posted 4/24/2014 14:53 PM

blameshifting. or fear of a RA.

BreatheAgain10 posted 4/24/2014 15:07 PM

What Steadfast said, and also possibly guilt.

Ostrich80 posted 4/24/2014 15:13 PM

My ws has done this...not after an argument, just when my phone is out and I'm not around. I knew he had done it plus my DD told me, dad was going througj your phone the whole time you were gone. Weird how they are so hell bent on privacy but are sneaky themselves with our phones...whatever.
Interesting subject. My ws made a comment after he obviously had been reading my fbk. An old friend of both of ours from hi school, made a comment...hope you and your fam have a nice easter sweetheart. He calls every female he speaks to on fbk, sweetheart, not just me. I at first was kinda like, whaatt? But then I remembered I had seen him do this with other friends. So ws asks, what was up with him calling me this. I said, check it out, he calls every girl that. He kinda looked pissed. This guy is extremely overweight, he's a recluse with no family, and facebook is his lifeline to the world. I don't know, maybe ws had a right to question but seriously, he's actively involved with ow and we are basically co parenting roommates.

OnAnIsland posted 4/24/2014 16:10 PM

pinkcottoncandy,
maybe ws looks at your devices, etc., because ws knows that arguments triggered them. my wh has not done this, but i was amazed to hear from him the triggers that would send him to contact marriedOW. I was amazed at the diversity of them. I believe for example that an argument might have prompted him to contact his AP even when he was trying to break off contact. I also now understand that certain types of interaction with me used to prompt him to think of her. so what I am trying to say is that some WS may expect BS to behave like them. even if we have never cheated or had boundary problems like WS has. Does that make sense? many people go through life with a warped coping patterns and assume that others rely on the same strategies.