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hi all,

okay, i'm a week or two from having the movers coming.

He's still in the house and i'm pretending to be a couple so that the NPD (for sure NPD if not scale 8.0 to 9.0 on scale of 1-10).. nearly freaken inhuman!!!! HOW WAS I SO BLIND! ....no soul, no sympathy, no empathy, incredible!!!!! really!!!!

anyway, pretending lovey dovey because i need him to sign a piece of paper basically repaying me from house sale for monies unpaid, without having to duel it out with lawyers (14 year co-habitating couple here). And then once the house closing is done, my current fairly evil plan is to check out One Day of the extended stay hotel we'll be staying in, (THIS IS REALLY MEAN), pack up his stuff too so when he comes back he's also checked out, and leave with the dogs/cats and leave him in the dust. PRAY FOR ME THAT I SUCCEED. i feel so bad about it, but curse curse curse, i've not wanted to turn the other cheek AGAIN and just walk away letting him take 50 percent profit and feeling no pain. Let him feel "taken" "lied to" "deceived" and let him actually get the percentage of profit he "deserves." I don't see this as necessarily vindictive, just a bit of his own medicine BUT I STILL FEEL BAD and my mother is like JUST WALK AWAY, forget the money, it's not worth it!!! It is SO very stressful on so many levels and yes, it would be easier to walk but I still have to sell the house, and for those who have dealt with an NPD spouse, and have learned how to deal (ie manipulate) an NPD, you might understand why I'm lovey dovey until house is sold and all ties to him are done.

Anyone? I feel bad because I realize he's Actually Sick or Disabled or a tortured Soul who knows now what he does, but he DOES KNOW and is is sometimes SADISTIC and i feel bad because he has his own PAIN but he also inflicts pain. and my goodness, it's so hard for me because I know his NPD is likely result of bad bad pain, but what he's done to me, and how he behaves and WHO he is! He's borderline monster, really, without empathy.

If his pain was so bad he woundnt have been able to cheat. NPDs are born, not made.

What exactly are you 'doing to' him? It isn't an evil plan it's an exit plan and a clever one at that.

I hope it works out. Don't feel guilty - you're not fucking him over and running away with all the money. He'll be able to find another hotel room if he needs one. I think you're a saint for not doing a poo in his luggage or shredding the lot.

I am guessing he didn't give you a heads up when he cheated on you and exposed you to STDs and bunny boilers. No need to give him a heads up now.

Unless he's dangerous - if so then you need to egg the hell out of there.

Will you leave a note?

"Goodbye, cheater."
"Sayonara Syphillis train"
"How do you like them apples?"
"Don't let the door hit ya where The Lord split ya!"

Nah, best to not leave a note.

How about this goodbye note?

Ex,

This is goodbye. You can look it up in the dictionary between "Affair" and "STD"

If nothing else it will make him paranoid he has an STD and have to go for the humiliating check up

I know where you are coming from. It sounds like a great plan for someone you never have to see again. I agree with no note. It will be a mindfuck.

I'm not being lovey dovey but acting like a sweet doormat until I get the default judgement my NPDer doesn't think I'll have the balls to go for. Then BOOM! I'll hit him with the final papers and an eviction notice with my dad there to referee.

With an NPDer you have to charm them till the last minute then strike fast before they can spew venom. It's like beheading a snake.

I have moved out on a person before like this.
It was the ONLY way to get away from him.

I moved out from our apartment while he was at work.

I went immediately to a hotel in another city for 3 days.

Good plan 4 you, too, I think.

Do NOT feel bad!

What you're doing is exactly the way to gtf away from abuse. careerlady is right - charm till the head's off.
I completely support this tactic.

Let us know how it went - so we can partay! @ your FREEDOM!

(t/j@SBB - jury's out on the born-thing, most of the evidence points to "made")

If you need it, check out your domestic violence support group in your area. They usually have places that will give you discounts, help hiding from him, etc. it might be worth a phone call to check things out.

I helped a friend leave her live in bf, the local group helped her get a hotel for a discount. When he was looking for her, she wasn't listed in the registry. He was in law enforcement, and they helped her hide from him.

Will he go after your mother?

Hugs, and good luck!
Kajem

I feel similarly to you. WH is currently away at training and as much as I want to just tell him it's over now, I need to get some things in order first and then strike quickly when he gets home. Otherwise, if I give him advance notice he'll already be 3 steps ahead of me when he gets back.

T/j

I think you're a saint for not doing a poo in his luggage

Made me laugh hard. Could be a metaphor for so much. Taking it to the quote thread.

I'm doing this very thing eta though not in house. You were "blind" because people charm when we don't really know them and we get blinders but eventually, with enough drama, the blinders come off.

It sucks to deal with but can be turned around.

Rule 1 for me-never, ever, ever show emotion-he thrives on it.

Rule 2 for me-if I can't give crickets then I give one or two word answers and always, ALWAYS have a back up for anything I say or do.

Rule 3 for me-don't talk to anyone he knows. He calls me a liar, confused and other things where we live and to business people so my saving grace is silence. And, it drives him nuts.

Rule 4 and biggest thing I learned of all-if I give open-ended replies or requests it goes a lot further. Then, I trick him into thinking he is making a choice, when it's really me. This takes a while or a few times, but is a way out of the procrastination of passive aggression that can go with NPD people and can be a fun game when you get to know it.

I'm no counselor or anything but deal with NPD in x with his family too and on my side, both men and women.

If you don't feel lovey dovey you don't have to show it but can just be very quiet and not give him any amunition, i.e., words that he can use against you. If you be too lovey dovey or whatever, he could use that against you later and if is truly NPD won't hesitate.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 7:40 PM, April 25th (Friday)]

Thank you everyone . Your words experience wisdom all very helpful. And validating. I'm probably more exhausted for the longest continuous period of time in my life, but I can already see blessings in this with more strength . Truly a ideal case of what does not kill us us. Makes us stronger.