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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Still trying to work through some things
Must Survive
♀ 34533
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I go to Ic every other week. I am working through the book Getting Past Your Breakup. I am at the point of inventorying the different aspects of the relationship and STBXH.

While I have not written the "bad" things about relationship and STBXH they are swirling in my mind. Hopefully this weekend I will work on it. I know it will be emotional.

With more clarity than I had 2 years ago, I was not unconditionally loved (I don't think my DS is either) and while I loved and supported STBXH(I was his biggest cheerleader I was never supported.

One of the very big ah ha moments was when I realized he never cared or worried about us. I wanted to get life insurance (I was SAHM with a home based business. He said no, that he was going to be dead and we didn't need it! DS was about 4. Said if I really wanted it, I would have to pay for it. I made about $200/month, he mad $10,000/month. Ok, I get the life insurance. Then after a few months STBXH wanted the funds (if he died) go to DS. Not to me. I remember we got in a big argument over it. I told him if he wanted $ going directly to Ds, he could get his own policy.

So has a I go over all the selfish crap I still get upset. I still don't understand why I get upset that we are divorcing. Why I feel like I am missing out on our expected life together.

Why do I still want to cry? If I go back to my childhood, while I was ok, so far I can remember that my feelings were not validated. I was loved, but no unconditionally.

Why when I really start to think about the selfish NPD do I still feel like I was thrown away.

Within 3.5 months of D-Day STBXW was engaged and living with OW#3, not even the one that was discovered on Dday. How do figure out why this is still causing me so much pain. On paper I should be thrilled I am away from him. Apparently my heart does not read. Where can I explore to really get to the root of the problem. It can't just be what is going on now, somewhere in my past is making this worse.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 816 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
careerlady
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Must Survive)))
I am having some similar realizations, don't have any answers but I hear you and I know we'll get through this


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 943 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't necessarily think it has to be about the past though I applaud your doing he work to think about this. Just keep finding ways to build new meaning, validate yourself and look to the future and I know you can heal and learn to feel more free and healthy. I strongly recommend reading Living and Loving after Betrayal by Steven Stosny once you finish the current book.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 3

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