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I'm 12 days out from dday... WH is doing everything right. We had a long open conversation last night about our marriage and how we've spent the last 13 years hurting each other leading up to the A, and how we need to work on things now to get better. He's being great. Treating me better and helping around the house more than he ever has. We had a good day together today. So why do I feel do shitty? I know it's a roller coaster and I just have to ride it out... I just wish I had someone to talk to who could give me a big hug and not judge me about it.

Welcome Emmadean :)

Looking for someone to talk to without judgement?? You've found a LOT. At 12 days out, it's completely normal to be up and down. I think for me at 12 days out I was still in shock and couldnt even process my real emotions.

Whenever you feel the need to rant or ask for advice, this is an excellent resource and source of comfort. Sending hugs your way!

Thanks. I know I can talk to people on here, it would just be nice if there was someone I could go to in person. I won't tell family, as we are attempting R, and it would make things awkward later. And I'm pretty sure my friends would only tell me to leave him and not be supportive of my decision to R. We have a MC appointment set up for May 8 (couldn't get in sooner) so the only person I have to talk to about it is WH. He's being very supportive and trying to help me feel better, but it's weird getting comfort and support from the same person who hurt you.

Emma - I remember replying to one of your posts when you had just found out. This is very much a rollercoaster and you're likely feeling bad because all those emotions are brewing under the surface for you still - it's too much to process at first, so it comes across as more of a sense of uneasiness or anxiety or just feeling 'shitty'. They will come out over time, once the shock wears off and the more you try to fight them the harder they seem to 'yell' at you it seems. This is a grieving process and to heal you will likely find you have to grieve what has happened. Those who try to just move on and not deal with it seem to be referred to on here as 'rugsweeping' on here (I'm relatively new as well). Everyone deals with things differently and this is all so fresh for you, just be good to yourself and accept the emotions as they come to you...it's ok to feel them.

Do you have any close gfs you can reach out to? My friends who I thought would tell me to leave were the most supportive group of women I know. I was cautious about who I told and kept it to a minimal, just my closest gfs who I rely on the most but it took me time to go to them as well. They were my saving grace in the early weeks when the truths kept trickling out. If they are true friends, you may be surprised by just how much non-judgemental support they can give, but you do have the responsibility of choosing who you confide in wisely. Local support groups or a counselor you can access? This site has been very helpful for people who can relate to what I'm going through, but counseling has been vital in working through my emotions.

Keep checking back and just allow yourself time to deal with this. You can't rush the process, no matter how remorseful and helpful he's being now.